dirtybirdnj

This is absolutely true in america. My partner left me and my social life has completely collapsed. I have nobody to talk to when things get difficult. I am estranged from my father, my mother is disabled and requires increasing medical support. I'm an only child, I have no local family.

Once the floor drops out from under you there is nothing to stop the rapid decent to nothingness. There is a generation of discarded people who have nobody left. When we lose our last threads of social connection there's no way back. Beyond hopeless.

Enjoy your bubble. america is completely fucked.

I like to target a very specific species (Lake Trout) using vertical jigging techniques. You can do it on a small kayak with a simple fishfinder (histogram "graph") or a large boat with livescope (active sonar).

Because of the bait available for the lakers differs from what they eat in different lakes inland and other surrounding states, they are SUPER aggressive when the fishing is good.

The game is cruising around until you find marks at the depths and/or structure you are looking for. Once you find them, you drop heavy lures down on them (1-4oz) and they will rocket up sometimes 3/4 of the water column +(70ft / 21m) and absolutely crush your lure.

This tactic also requires you to properly reel your lure to match the intensity of the fish. Too fast or slow and they will swim off. Sometimes you have to leave your bait motionless and wait for them to approach and then "fleeing" at the right time to trigger their agression and chase.

I've had fish mess with me for 5+mins and still not bite. This tactic works in both ice fishing as well as open water fishing.

I discovered this technique trying to adapt what I learned on a boat to kayak fishing. Necessity is the mother of invention, and if you want to catch fish that aren't near shore you gotta float somehow.

Part of the kayak adaptation was going from 1/8, 1/4 or 1/2oz lures up to 1, 2, 3 or 4oz. You are often dealing with not only wind that pushes your boat, but also current that pulls your lure in a different direction making it difficult to see your lure on the fishfinder.

There are a couple other ways to do the jigging thing but all of this has resulted in a new lure design i've been trying to figure out how to turn into a viable business. I'm also trying to figure out how to do some kind of kayak fishing guiding because there are much higher restrictions / licensing reqs on taking people out on boats

https://www.verticaltubejig.com

https://youtu.be/1Z5CPrB3Cpk?si=pD1oQLb6ai7rSujg

The older people get the more disposable they are viewed as by society.

When you are younger, you belong in school. When you get older, you belong at work.

If you fall out of any of these social structures its extremely difficult to find your way back in.

I was already pretty disconnected from society and people in general when my divorce hit and now I am completely untethered from any kind of community. Living is miserable I hate my life and I do not want to exist like this anymore.

None of the solutions people provide are easy or functional. "Go meet people" is the most vague, unhelpful bullshit ever.

I think the reality is some people, no matter how intelligent, caring or otherwise full of empathy they may be are just "too far gone" for anyone to have the initiative or concern to care about us. The world is so corroded and socially poisoned that any kind of meaningful effort in this kind of thing is pointless. Anybody with time or money is busy making money.

You can't solve the epidemic because it is a byproduct of multiple irreparably broken systems. People will continue to fall through the cracks and it will get worse. I don't know what happens after that but we'll probably all be dead.

the look and aesthetic of some of your screenshots is awesome. reminds me of ultima online in the best way possible.

It's like looking into the future, will there be a point where you can just render the entire scene in voxels at high enough res where it's indistinguishable from modern 3d graphics?

The gif maker workflow is fantastic, amazing how smooth it was an the output is clean and crisp. Beautiful UX I practically tripped over this feature without even thinking about it and it worked great.

I agree with the hamburglar (lol) you did awesome work and you owe the internet nothing. the 3d printing community is rife with "stl please" expectations that everyone wants to share everything and it should all be free. Give it away if you can, but I think its important to have some value to the creative work like this that is done.

> I've shared it for free with every single person who has emailed me.

Excited and waiting :) I think it's going to make really cool pen plotter art

I am taking care of an aging and physically limited parent. It's brought me to my absolute limit. I often say stuff about wanting to be dead but I don't think I've ever been serious about it. It's the kind of thing I am trying to discourage in myself, but I'm trying to be more compassionate with myself in the times that I do.

Why are you so certain? 15 years is a long time to look down that barrel why do you deserve that?

No, those are the people who refuse to upgrade the old COBOL systems. They are allowed to drive.

> You don’t quit a job until you have another one lined up. You do your work the best you can for 40 hours a week and leave. If you don’t get all of your work done and they fire you, at least you kept getting a paycheck longer. Don’t let your pride or frustrating keep you from exchanging labor for money to support your addiction to food and shelter.

I don't know what to tell you other than the only different course of action was to kill myself and I didn't want to do that. Repeated trauma in multiple workplaces has effectively robbed me of my career. It's not all the fault of the employers I had, but it's also not 100% my fault either. I struggle with self worth because I cannot understand what my value is anymore. The experiences I have keep telling me I am worth less and less. People are less willing to hire me, to pay me, to even listen to what I have to say.

Having all of this playing in your head 24/7 makes it impossible to view authority as anything but abusive and willfully ignorant. I know they aren't all like that... but then why does this keep happening to me?

I want to go back but I don't know how. It's more than just someone being fussy there is something seriously psychologically wrong, but outwardly I "look" fine so I must be faking it / doing it for attention.

I am tired of pandering to the people who refuse to see me.

> What you described is neither hostile or toxic.

I... didn't even describe the toxic work experiences I have had. The entire impetus to take the actions I did are not written in this post on purpose. I don't want to muddy the waters with conjecture and hearsay. Having been through a nightmare and being told "that wasn't toxic" is the kind of mindset that I am terrified of interacting with (being abused by) in the workplace.

lol all I can think when I see this is "tommy can you hear me?"

lots of opportunity for pinball wizard jokes / easter eggs

I'm building a pen plotter machine that is purpose built for multi-color artwork.

So far I have a duet mainboard wired up to motors and a commercial gantry set (openbuilds). I've figured out how to wire up a servo control board to a GPIO pin, and the gcode necessary run the servo up and down.

I'm designing and 3d printing parts for the pen gantry, I have a nice rail / slider setup using linear bearings. I'm almost done working out how the pen holder fits into my gantry setup but I'm struggling a little bit getting this past the finish line.

I already figured out how to generate custom GCODE that takes into account the needs of having no z axis. I need to make a simple web interface that lets me interact with the duet over USB, and this will be running off a raspi. This will allow me more GPIO and flexibility vs just wiring buttons straight to the duet.

I already have some code and logic to generate trace data from bitmap images, I just need to figure out a way to automate it so that the output still looks nice.

Once all that works... if I glue it together I will be able to push button and @robotdrawsyou (https://www.instagram.com/robotdrawsyou)

The goal is to create technology that is indistinguishable from magic. People without the technical understanding of what's going on will just see it as tech junk, but my hope is that by breaking down all the individual parts it will allow people to learn about CNC machines, vector vs raster and what it means for something to actually be a robot.

I still have zero idea how to make money with this. Career is struggling really badly but I am hopeful that what I am working on will allow me to display competency and skill to an employer. That's the fantasy at least.

The guy in the cave having the midlife crisis and his wife sending him clothes had me in tears. The lost kid in the woods who can hear his dad. The lack of any meaningful gratitude... he just seemed so checked out. I felt so jealous of his wife who still cared. Who kept saying tulips take time.

Not even a complicated storyline but very poignant.

> a drug fueled orgy of magical thinking

This is just "management" thinking. You can thank your local MBA for poisoning the well for everyone else.

Leaders produce value. "Managers" are dumb parrots.

I really like those illustrations I hope you keep going with this progress. Looks great and I think it could be a very engaging tool because of its visual appeal.

Don't let the haters get to you. Let him cook people.

I feel like this is really to the heart of "your vibe attracts your tribe".

It's kinda risky to but something like this in the comments, what if nobody ever sees it? What if it never beeps?

It's just weird enough people (like myself) would do it. I would have if I saw it, but I missed it.

I think your comment can be boiled down to "management doesn't respect engineers"

That's the fundamental problem. Some MBA or book somewhere convinced people that respect and dignity were optional. Once they realized they could apply this to more than engineers they started painting the entire world with this bullshit.

> Start a side project that nobody needs but you, purely for the sensation of making a thing that you like.

I did this and it's led to making friends and a lot of really good things in life. It's so good that not being able to give it the attention it needs to flourish is one of the things bringing me down most.

I can see what I want just beyond the fence in front of me... I don't know how to get over it yet.

I'm building some really good new friends, but I don't get to see them often due to distance.

I am also kind of fearful of leaning on people too much.

Getting to see more people regularly has helped with the deep meaningful vs casual acquaintance thing. Right now it's a battle of attrition to have enough opportunities that some more significant opportunities can happen organically.

The harder I try to force it the less progress I make. It's very difficult to deal with even being able to observe it. A perverse target fixation.

I work from home... which is it's own set of problems.

One thing I did going through divorce is choose to live somewhere that there are a lot of people around. I have a few restaurants and bars within walking distance... I have found a huge improvement in quality of life just by getting to know some of the bartenders and locals.

It's taking every ounce of self control to not quit right now. Living like this is... not living.

Your suggestion is sound but my mental acuity is in the fucking dumpster. I am bad at my job because I am so stressed and upset about my inability to control my life. I'm doing some of the worst work ever... it takes me so long to do things and I'm just below the standard I know I can operate at.

So while the "keep working and look for work" thing is reasonable... it's just not for me. I can't. I can't keep up. I am so exhausted that everything is breaking down around me.

Beyond my refusal to engage in something that I don't believe can be successful... who the fuck wants to hire someone who is so disregulated and upset? I don't understand how i can ever come back from this.

> Another thing I'd recommend: try to find some solace in hobbies or personal interests.

One of my favorite, most rewarding projects has been making fishing lures. Losing my house to divorce means I no longer have a space I can do the sandblasting, painting or other stinky fume-inducing work.

Not being able to do what I love makes me so full of self hate and shame.

My project has gained organic leads in a way NOTHING else I've made or worked on has. Every week I get a message or two asking if they can buy lures. My friends are a marketing MACHINE who have made great video content about the product and keep doing so.

I have everything I need but it's "not enough to live on" so I can't jump in with both feet.

I CANT EVEN MAKE MORE. Even if I had a space to make them, I'm dealing with a supply issue where I can't get the one raw material / part I use. I have ideas on how I can manufacture them but I DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY to do all this on top of my job. It makes me feel like I am failing at the one chance I have to get out of this fucking hellhole. I can't do it. It's slipping through my fingers and I'll never get out.

I quit drinking alcohol and i have some hobbies that involve either dragging heavy shit around or using my arms for exercise.

No amount of "focusing on myself" has stopped the spiral of my life falling apart. Every time I do something for self care purposes something else I forgot about blows up and fucks me over even harder. I cannot get ahead all I can do is exist and attempt to keep all the plates spinning while i keep dropping them.

I'm in therapy. I'm on meds.

I'm "doing the work" but it takes fucking forever. How are you supposed to survive for the years it takes for society to begin to accept you? I don't have time I am getting older and less appealing every day. I am running out of time... or I have ALREADY run out of time and I am gripped in the terror of panic because it's too late and it's already lost / gone

You can't medicate your way out of a situation.

You can't take a pill that changes your job.

There is no way out.

> you need to find some support amongst your close ones, you definitely need not be alone going through this.

I am not allowed to get support. I don't know why but it's just not possible.

> First step is to find someone trusted who can support you. Whether it's a friend, family member or a professional. If they aren't available, a local support group. And if that isn't available, find a pro bono service online. You need someone checking in with you and helping you put a plan together over the next few months.

If I could get this I wouldn't have made this post.

This is a reminder to everyone else that there are good, hardworking people falling through the cracks. Because nobody cares. You can do all the shit but if nobody cares about you, you will NEVER get your needs met. Ever. Once society sees that you have been rejected it's impossible to remove the black stain on your social standing. It doesn't matter if it's justified or reasonable, once the smear occurs you are done.

> You need to spend lots of time around good people. You need a job that gives you daily positive social connection. You need to actively look for that.

Trying to find this has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Losing everything, having my idea of what friendship and love can be shattered without any closure or explanation.

I just can't make friends anymore. It's like trying to walk on a broken leg. I can find new acquaintances but making any meaningful connections with people I can depend on is literally fucking impossible for me right now. I am having panic attacks and nervous breakdowns about it.

I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I don't think it's possible. I think I am so damaged that I just need to live without my needs being met. It's the only way forward but it seems so wrong and painful.

> Reach out to your friends (even distant ones) and professional network - that's where all the good jobs are.

This is the part of the social / career collapse that is the most painful and probably largest roadblock I have. Once you lose connections it's really hard to find new ones when you are seen as "why don't you have any OTHER friends?"

I don't know how to tell people that I have nobody else without sounding pathetic. Nobody wants to get my loser failure filth on them, they are all afraid they will be associated with me and nobody wants that. It's why my wife left me.

I barely have the mental energy to do my job.

Spending the time and effort to do the SECOND job, after my first one is just a mathematical impossibility. I don't have any gas left in the tank.

It has been like this since last October. My life is just a fucking chaos firepit and there is no way out of this reactive hellscape

I think if I could work in an environment like this I could be really and truly happy.

Unfortunately situations where I've advocated for mentorship or team growth have always resulted in negative career consequences. "Wasting time" on things that weren't billable hours.

I'm not sure how to advocate for this teaching / learning style of development to people who are openly hostile to it for reasons they are unwilling to articulate. Sometimes it's because they are genuinely technically incompetent, other time's it's machiavellian obfuscation because they KNOW what they have promised, and are unwilling to explain to you because they think they can drip feed you details and trick you into doing things you otherwise would not.

I think the real problem is not totally what I describe above. It's also that I'm now very fearful of reasonable situations devolving into that, and it causes me to be reflexively defensive at times where I guess it's not helpful or effective for getting my point(s) across.

> You can see something bad about to happen, your instinct shouldn't be to do nothing to teach the person a lesson. You owe them the professional courtesy of offering a guiding hand.

You provide a helping hand. Your boss is now upset. Your action to provide help to others has materially harmed your career.

What now? Not trying to be rude but this is literally one of the things that has absolutely destroyed my professional development. I try to help others the way I was helped. Some organizations are outright hostile to this.