> You need to spend lots of time around good people. You need a job that gives you daily positive social connection. You need to actively look for that.

Trying to find this has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Losing everything, having my idea of what friendship and love can be shattered without any closure or explanation.

I just can't make friends anymore. It's like trying to walk on a broken leg. I can find new acquaintances but making any meaningful connections with people I can depend on is literally fucking impossible for me right now. I am having panic attacks and nervous breakdowns about it.

I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I don't think it's possible. I think I am so damaged that I just need to live without my needs being met. It's the only way forward but it seems so wrong and painful.