justanything

Can you eli5 the implementation and how your prototype worked?

How did you do that? how did you overcome "hard-wired" traits?

I am working on the determination aspect but it is so slow and frustrating, plus any time I am learning, I get flashbacks of my own failures and also thoughts of how everyone else is so much ahead.

There is no meaning to life, the only meaning I can have is family and money. I failed one and the other I can't get

That's fucked up for me, I would rather die

Although, my bio parents and grandparents were white-collar or white collar adjacent at least. And one of my bio grandpa was very conscientious and active well into old age

Haha, I don't know why I love writing about how shit I am, probably because I am hoping for some miracle

Nope, pretty high on T but without any of the pros of having high T

I need money to be here. and to have decent money, i need to have skills, which i have to learn, which i am not able to do

I am not wired to get intrinsic motivation from anything. period.

I do owe my parents, firstly because I am adopted and secondly, they went above and beyond for me in every way they could. Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them.

I am trying small daily improvements now, for the millionth time. But the fear and the guilt is overwhelming, and I am never gonna catch up to other normal people, much less high earners. And then there is AI.

The only hanging I intend to do is from a noose.

I don't like or gel with mediocre people, why do you think I wanna terminate myself? I never wanted to be mediocre

Well, how will I live if I don't make money or am useful. I appreciate your words, but this world is no utopia, humans have always had to have some utility to exist since the days we evolved into our current form. We are just slightly better animals, and wildlife is brutal. And, so is this world we inhabit.

I already got tested for it by multiple different professionals, they seem to think I don't have it. And people with adhd are everywhere in the tech industry, it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.

I have tried strattera, vyvanse, and some other meds i can't even remember, none worked and only made me more suicidal

I don't see any hope for me.I have no capacity to work hard, learn technical shit, love people, sense of responsibility, anything. I just wanna go, but I need money before I end it

But how do you get yourself to do all the cognitively heavy work for your job, day in day out?

I am terribly suicidal because of my procrastination combined with no conscientiousness.

How do you figure out if the whole or part of the response is a hallucination?

Thank you, i wish love worked for me that way, but even though i have many people i love and should be doing a lot for, i just can't

Most people may have these issues but they still "live" and do things, I am stuck in every way, it's terrible

Whoa, thank you for sharing your amazing story! I wish you the best

Thanks, i can definitely relate to a lot of what you wrote. Are you a mental health professional yourself?

Yes, they are, (un)fortunately.

I know right, the things usually suggested don't have any effect on my executive function.

I don't know how you do that, i am so close to just ending it all because i cannot continue like this.

ACT sounds like it could help. Will check it out!

I do not have adhd, I am probably depressed but I don't know if depresssion caused my executive dysfunction or the executive dysfunction caused the depression.

what was the underlying cause for your issues, if you don't mind sharing?

Blood work came back normal, so doesn't seem to physiological.

I have tried exercise, it helps with moods but not really with executive function. I have taken it one step at a time for so long, can't do it anymore unless i can see some hope of solving this. This is no way to live

Exercise helped improve my mood big time but it didn't really make me better at task execution or sticking to the task and so now, i stopped exercising too, and everything's fallen apart.

I did consult both a therapist and psychiatrist and they tried helping me but with no success, the therapist did refer me to other mental health professionals to get psychological testing done.

I honestly tried that for the last few months but it did not help at all, and I am back deep in the pit of despair.

I haven't ever worked hard enough because of my executive dysfunction to be worked out, and I am ashamed of that.

Don't have adhd, could be depressed possibly but since this has been a lifelong thing, as long as I have been, can't be sure if i am depressed because of the dysfunction or dysfunctional because of depression.

This is terrifying for me, how are you handling it? I don't think I can live like this, I am so behind on everything because I can't get myself to do anything.

what would someone with less or no experience do then? to be desirable?