172 karma · joined January 12, 2019
I think it's a mistake to think we have it all figured out just because we've had an experience that either reinforces or contradicts our per-conceived notions of what constitutes reality.
As far as subjective experience, I've witnessed myself slowly slip into a depression toward the end of a relationship I knew wasn't going to pan out. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but I slowly remembered sex becoming less enjoyable with my ex, the pull of my hobbies less exciting and rewarding, my global outlook on life and the vibrancy of my future becoming more dim and... depressing. This was anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure. I felt like I was wading through a dark cloud. The ability to smile organically through enjoyable interactions and activities all but disappeared, or at the very least, felt forced and somewhat "empty", like I was a poor actor. I had to give a best man's speech around this time and was shocked to hear how monotone my voice had been while delivering the speech.
Throughout all of this, I more or less kept the same routines. I was spending more time alone but still managed to schedule time with friends, I kept working out, and never slipped into a dark hole.. but I'm not ashamed to say I wasn't able to solve it alone, in fact the shift was so subtle that by the time I had become aware of what conscious state had become, I was dismayed to find that I was already doing what most people recommend to get out of a depression - stay active, spend time with friends and family, spend time in nature, exercise, etc. Which leads me to what ended up working... therapy.
I can't say I've had any major trauma's in my life aside from losing my father as a teenager, but talking over my life with a therapist helped me come across some events that triggered me emotionally to revisit, and over several weeks I started to feel the cloud of anhedonia lifting and started to enjoy life as it appeared to me again. The major conclusion being the functioning of the subconscious mind on our conscious experience plays more of a role than I expected.
YMMV, but if you are experiencing depression, consider therapy.. this is coming from someone who was already experienced in the trendiest news grabbing headlines for treating depression before I realized I had become depressed, including meditation and psychedelics.
On my days off I catch up on chores. I take care of my body by going to the gym, yoga studio, boxing gym, or ride my bike. I spend time with friends if they are available, which is tricky because I'm only off every other weekend. I bake sourdough bread and seek perfection in extracting the perfect cup of espresso. I read HN.
I often think what I would be doing if I met your criteria for answering this questions and didn't have to work the other 3-4 days of my week, and I think the answer would be to look for meaningful work. There is a fulfillment or sense of purpose in work that doesn't come to me in the prolonged absence of it, I don't define myself by it, but as Marcus Aurelius said in his Meditations:
“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?”
So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?
You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.”
I give due respect to anything that stands the test of time, irrespective of our ability to measure it with modern instruments or understand it with our primate mind.
Maybe I’m an outlier, or just got lucky, but the first woman I started dating after a failed 5 year relationship ended up being conditionally ok with it - the conditions being that living in my family’s home wasn’t my “end game”, and that I was able to take care of myself. This was coming from an extremely independent woman who lived on her own, in a country outside of where she was born since coming to the US for college. Since then, she’s come to understand that living with, and helping to take care of family shows a degree of maturity and responsibility that transcends merely taking care of n=1 (yourself).
If anyone is in a similar situation, don’t be afraid to enter the dating pool just because you live with family, don’t be ashamed of it, and respect the ignorance of those who haven’t had the burden of having to support loved ones on their shoulders.
*edit (typo)
Also, by “end game”, she meant that I was planning on moving out at some point, which I am.
Corporations (and citizens) need to be accountable for making decisions that go against societies best interests - the current infatuation with profit at all costs is eerily similar to the proliferation of cells at all costs in cancer.
The bottom line is, the cost of doing business has to take into account the environmental impacts on our planet and the consequences for our progeny.
Ultimately, I think the answer comes from ridding yourself of distractions, and asking yourself the question - "What do I want out of life?"
If you can answer that question, you will also be able to manage your time efficiently, because you will always be directed toward that purpose.
Without knowing your individual purpose in life, you will go through life checking the boxes that biology and society put before you.
With that said, it can be hard to settle with realization that you aren't personally driven to do anything that will make you an idol among your peers; you can finally stop trivializing everything in your life and just enjoy it, enjoy the process, enjoy the journey.
Give yourself 10 minutes everyday to train your mind. I use the app Waking up.
Release anxiety through some physical exercise several days per week, ideally something you enjoy.
Every day, build some grit by doing something difficult - the fact that you’ve done it, and continue to do it, will become a foundation for overcoming resistance. I like to take a cold shower every morning, which seems silly until you step up to the faucet and have to pony up and actually do it.
Read books, so few people read anymore, those who do are able to absorb the distilled wisdom of many lifetimes.
Lastly, you are not alone, I don’t know how to create a bullet list here either. You are also not alone in your struggles, we are all human and suffer in our ways. Good luck.
Edit: Context
“Epicurus,” you reply, “uttered these words; what are you doing with another’s property?” Any truth, I maintain, is my own property. And I shall continue to heap quotations from Epicurus upon you, so that all persons who swear by the words of another, and put a value upon the speaker and not upon the thing spoken, may understand that the best ideas are common property. Farewell.
-Seneca the Younger
In a sense, our DNA is a biological form of a general artificial intelligence, but distributed over billions of lives and over the spans of time. The collective progress of humanity being handed down generation by generation. With each generation, unique mutations in the collective DNA of humanity gives birth unique individuals with their own talents, interests, and potential to move our species forward. As a collective whole, we will either survive and evolve, or perish.
Thinking about such things doesn't do much to make it more likely that your unique DNA will propagate... and so maybe by the reproductive success of these traits within humanity we are, as a species, quite comfortable being a meatbag who hallucinates that they are thinking thoughts without delving any deeper.
The authors do a good great job in promoting good software craftsmanship from the very beginning of the text. Like any good teachers they reinforce the importance of developing good habits that as a beginner you sometimes take for granted, such as writing unit tests for newly defined functions. Thinking through programming exercises is done methodically with HTDPs Design Recipe, which enforces the use a function signature, purpose statement (comments), a header, and functional examples - followed by a template to flesh out the basic structure of the code you will be using to define your function.
I've watched most of the SICP lectures by Sussman and Abelson and while brilliant, it becomes quite clear that even the professional programmers in the room have trouble keeping up with the pace of the lectures. As a beginner, I was acutely aware that I had bitten off more than I could chew and I will revisit them and SICP after completion of HTDP.
As a side note, I discovered small typo in one of the examples and emailed the lead author (Matthias Felleisen) and he responded to me same day very appreciative that I took the time to do so. If he or any of the other authors read this, thank you! I'm still diligently making my way through and enjoying your text!