turnwhere

I've spent more time than I can remember thinking about how suicide is selfish. It is selfish. Everything is selfish. When someone helps another person cross the road, it's selfish. They do it because they feel good. That's not bad, it's life. The issue is not whether it's selfish to commit suicide, it's what has got a person to that point. If the hell inside my head doesn't let up, eventually I have to kill myself out of desperation. To see that as selfish in my opinion is missing the point.

It's amazing how simple things can be. I wouldn't think of that but it's worth a go, even if just as a distraction.

Very good points.

As in my reply above, I have in fact pretty much just done this. I went to South America last month and will be for a few months, volunteering. I left everything behind and rarely talk to anyone I know. I think I may have expected too much of myself, being able to handle this. Incremental sounds more sensible.

Will watch it tonight.

These are all interesting points. In terms of caring for something, and something being dependent on me, I know that this would stop me wanting to kill myself so much - but it would be out of guilt. I already have that feeling for my mother. I want to find a positive reason to live, instead of what I see as a reverse negative.

The traveling thing - it's funny you should mention that. A month ago I did exactly this. I've left my business running and I've gone to another country. I am trying to spend as much time as possible volunteering, to help other people, as I thought this might help me. So far unfortunately I have felt very bad here. I am not entirely sure why. I will be here for another 2 months before I return.

I agree. I would never take drugs of any kind. I've seen what they do to people who are generally happy. I can only imagine what they'd do to someone with negative thoughts.

I know that this is good advice, but it's very hard not to find the final part of suicide the most attractive. When you feel so bad each day, a permanent solution is what you look for I guess.

I will definitely check out these authors. In fact I'm making a list right now of all the resources you guys are posting. If I'm going to try, I've got to try my best.

Thank you for the links. I have called the hotline a few times in the past couple weeks.. if nothing else it was just because I had to tell someone how close I was and how bad I felt. I can't tell anyone I know. Partly because I can't bear the embarrassment, but also because I don't want them to stop me.

I agree, being happier takes a lot of work. That in itself is sad, but I can accept it.

I actually had CBT last year for 10 weeks. Although it may not have helped much, I think one or two things did stay in my mind, and maybe still help me now. When I'm back home I will call up the therapist and ask for more. Just one more thing which perhaps can help.

My food regime is good. My sleep is ok. I used to exercise a lot but recently stopped.. probably part of my falling back into another deep episode of depression.

I'm checking out the link right now. Thank you.

Thank you for the advice. Point 1 is so difficult. In fact it's why I don't tell anyone how I feel anymore (in real life, not the internet). It's so easy for someone to say yea but what about that kid in Africa who doesn't even have enough water for today. I don't know what to say to that.

I am trying 3 right now. It does help to get you through the day, that is for sure.

On point 4, my opinion is so weak and changeable that I'm not even sure what I want. Perhaps I need to build confidence first somehow.

This is a really sweet reply, and I appreciate it a lot. Unfortunately in my current circumstances I can't buy a plant, as I am abroad and not in my home. When I return I will do so. I like how you look at life - always being able to start again.

I got interested in Mindfulness not long ago. I think it can definitely help to make life better. I know I need to be in a better frame of mind first to be able to learn it though. And then once learnt perhaps I can apply it when I'm feeling low. I will look this up for sure.

Hi, thank you for the reply. I'll try to answer things properly.

I did try various antidepressants, over a period of about 5 years. I also had a few types of therapy, in total for 7 years. The therapy was the only thing that helped, except it never cured the underlying feeling. It was like relieving the pressure on a kettle each week, without turning off the fire underneath it..