thisismyusernam

Strange and terrifying.

I am focusing on one day at a time, one week at a time. Seeing a psychotherapist and attending various groups when I have the energy.

Burnout for me is a deeply physical experience of contant tension and utter exhaustion, with mental overwhelm and low stress-tolerance. So I find that I have to take things on the moment-by-moment level to see what I'm good for, and give myself permission to cancel everything if need be.

I'm also taking small, but practical and tangible steps towards a difficult life transition and health goal. Each step I take (there have been many) has lifted a bit of weight off me and put wind in my sails, because I've been on the fence about it for so long. I really enjoy and appreciate these 'small wins'.

Even on that personal journey side of things, I am not planning much, if anything, beyond the next day or two at a time (even while I have longer-term projects I am working on).

I have put my business on indefinite 'tickover', servicing existing clients but not doing any work of expansion at this stage. I have communicated with all staff about that as well and let them know that I am not available for any kind of meetings, calls or creative work.

I have 'uncommitted' from various projects (whether personal or shared/group) for which the ball was in my court. This alone gave me a lot of headspace to move forward in other ways.

I'm sleeping a lot, mostly at night, with some daytime naps. I've been enjoying playing RuneScape again, spending time tidying up and decluttering at home, sitting in cafes, going for short walks, doing self-care stuff.

People say to read books, but part of my burnout was information overwhelm. The one book that's been helping me a lot is Essentialism by Greg McKeown. GTD is also helpful but only when I have the energy to follow its guidelines.

For me the trick is to just really not expect anything much of myself for now. It's also Winter where I am, so I can call it hibernation, which helps.

One general thing that has really helped is being honest about where I am at, coming out to other people about it, and treating this burned-out stage of life as seriously as if I had pneumonia. Treating it as a friend rather than an enemy.

Hope this helps.

Same is true for me.

In my mid-to-late-twenties, I remember thinking "Damn, why are hotels so expensive? I'll just stay in this Airbnb, which is so much bigger anyway. This is the new way and it's disrupting hotels."

Now at the outset of my thirties and a more settled phase of life, I will gladly pay a premium to stay in a hotel.

In the same way, it's becoming more likely for me to flag a London black cab than book an Uber via the app.

There's a reason why some business models and establishment types 'just work' throughout history and it's not entirely because of well-funded lobbying and conservative lawmaking, as we were maybe led to believe in the early Airbnb/Uber days when anything disruptive was shiny.

I was really enjoying this article, which is intelligently written (even though it's obvious the author has made up their mind and is trying to convince me, I happen to agree with them). That is until this line:

> From its inception in the mid-1800s, margarine had always been considered creepers, a freakish substitute for people who couldn’t afford real butter.

When did "creepers" become a word journalists can use in a non-ironic way?

Back when I was a lad, we used to get up before we'd gone to bed to go down the mines!

I first got a PlayStation (1) when I was about 9 years old, and we got Road Rash 3D with it. Looking back the graphics were pretty shocking (though cutting edge at the time). But my main memory is how liberating it felt to leave the race route and just ride around aimlessly for hours and hours, exploring the countryside and the towns and cities you'd discover. I got a lot more out of that than trying to keep up with the race. Now I think I might try RDR2 some time if it offers a bit of that buzz again.

I really enjoyed this article. It really captures the weirdness of this kind of event, and rings true to the bandwagon-crypto people I've met, with a bit of good-natured caricature added. She also writes very well about the role of women during the event.

Yes, I laughed out loud with this line!

I'm really enjoying Gabor Maté being more in the spotlight recently. I've been following his work for about 6 years and wished he would get more attention. Such a good human being.

One of my worst, and final freelance web development gigs was for a foot worship events website. Not porn - this was an event website featuring a calendar of upcoming foot worship parties/nights in London. I was a bit naive at the time and didn't really know what it was all about, or really anything about the BDSM scene for that matter. Definitely not kink-shaming here - everybody should be absolutely free to express their sexuality however they see fit as long as it is consensual and does not cause any actual harm - but I honestly felt really weirded out after doing it. It didn't pay well at all, and I needed the money.

The client was really flakey (bad choice of words perhaps) and late with responses and payments. The website was nothing special but was a bit of a bore to design and code.

I think it was the final nail (again, poor choice of words) for my freelancing career, and I went to join a startup which ended up working really well for me.

You seem smart and honest and I hope it works out for you. I also feel that my country is getting worse, and I also don't know where to go, but I live in a "first-world" country (UK) and have relatively high wealth for my age thanks to starting my own company 7 years ago (when I was in my early 20s) and having decent luck with it. But I also want to get out, and some facts about my life and minority status make it quite difficult to know where I will be physically safe and generally happy. Just wanted to share a similar perspective from a very different situation.

This doesn't actually answer the issue posed in the title, "How not to lose your friends". I was expecting at least a little discussion on how to replace Facebook friends, how to stay connected, alternatives etc.

What is this doing on HN?

Blanchard's research and theories about transsexualism and "autogynephilia" have been widely discredited.

I recommend reading "Whipping Girl" for a solid takedown of his ideas.

In my personal and clinical experience, transgender identity has little to do with sexual fetish, although it may occasionally present in this way for a variety of complex reasons.

This paper seems to be an attempt to turn the author's transphobia into credible psychology and I hope anybody reading it can see through that.

You missed a key question here. As a business owner, what on earth do I need to do next?? Do I need to email all my users giving them an opt-out option?!

I'm working through it now actually thanks. Also similar but (IMHO) better-written is a new book I just started reading, called Finish Big by Bo Burlingham, which covers a lot of the same ground, with more case studies.

Thanks for that clarification. I can still identify with that description, but I believe it's more due to burnout/exhaustion with trying to fill a role that doesn't suit me (i.e. manager) rather than chronic absenteeism as they are describing.

Yes, I can so relate to that – many things fit into place around past conflicts and struggles – really appreciate the book recommendation, I will take a look..

I'm afraid I have to admit that I am one of the leaders they speak about. I am the founder of my own company and have Aspergers, finding it difficult (among other things) to understand, relate to, or work with other people (much less lead them).

I ended up in this position completely by accident and I don't know what to do about it.

I hope I can find somebody else to take over from me and actually be a leader so that I can be less of a drain on my company's growth potential. I'm sure I'd enjoy my life a lot more if I wasn't in a leadership position at all.

Nostalgia overload...

How would I play the full, original Diablo now on my MacBook, if I wanted a trip down memory lane? I wouldn't even know where to begin.