riotvan

This is interesting because I think this is my problem as well. I've tried TODO lists, writing things on paper, but I eventually forget about them. Do you use todo lists? Do you write everything down in paper?

Do you carry your notebook with yourself everywhere?

Thanks for the book suggestion. Downloaded. Make sure to link me the blog post!

My commute is public transportations (Bus + Train + Subway). I usually try to listen podcasts, but other times I'll just be on reddit, which sucks, I know

I listen to some podcasts, but would love to hear your recommendations!

Yep, you are correct. I do spend a lot of time around computers. Right now is partially because I'm working on my thesis, and sometimes it's depressing the amount of time I spend in front the screen.

Sometimes I pride myself in it, but I really have a hard time not beating myself up over it, and the inner struggle is constantly there.

I really, really, have a hard time not beating myself up. I always want to be or feel better, but when I start thinking about the things I should be doing in order to improve, the friction is so high that I fall back to my default mode, which is to play a video game for an hour or two. In this case, it's CS GO.

I always have trouble finding the real motivation and reasons behind things. I just don't what is the real questions I should be asking myself. For me, finding the why in things is sometimes really difficult. For instance, about exercising: I know that I should exercise so I'm healthier and live longer, but that reason alone sometimes isn't enough for me to get up in the morning and go for the jog. I guess I have a hard time acknowledging the fact that I need to relax sometimes, it's just that I don't really know any other form of relaxation but video games, and that makes me sad.

Yeah I need to start doing this. Ima start buying quality games. Already uninstalled CSGO. Screw that game. Thanks for that point of view.

What did you replace games with?

Yep. CS:GO here. I sometimes wonder why I still play that game. It's really digital crack. I really want to get into personal projects but sometimes I just would like to get out of the house and explore stuff. Thing is I can't do that, not where I live. At least until I move out.

I don't feel depressed but I think you nailed it with " So is the perception that you aren't doing anything if you aren't doing something all of the time".

Every time since I started reading stuff about self improvement (2 years ago) that, everytime I touch on video games I feel bad about it and that I should be focusing on something else. It's a constant inner struggle that it's hard to win.

I sometimes think of quiting cold turkey and find something else. This, however, scares the crap out of me, because I don't see myself replacing a 2 hour gaming session with a 2h book reading, for instance.

I guess I could start working on personal projects

This is a constant struggle of mine. I hate seeing myself as "the guy who plays video games on his free time", but I just can't think of anything else. This is usually during the weekends. I start playing an online game, and even before the game ends I just want it to end and unninstall because I feel bad about it. Repeat this for two or three times a day. It's a toxic mindset that I can't get rid of and it's killing me.

I used to be very into personal development, but ever since I got my first, real 9-5 job in the industry, I just feel mentally exausted to follow planners, journal or writing and I end up mindlessly playing video games...