Thanks for your comment: This is my outlook: I try to be the best person I can be and when I make mistakes, I try to know what I did so I can learn from them. I agree with you that in this case, I do not feel I have even a chance to really learn from it, other than to be very cautious. While I am trying to move forward, I don't want this to haunt me. I do not want to "creep out" people, or repulse them since people are how I will make my living, hopefully one day get married, etc. I guess its a fine line one must walk to be friendly to others while not offending/creeping out people and not talking to people.
Thanks for your comment! Well said! I am looking forward to working as hard as I can and then moving on in a few months when this internship ends. But becoming "tainted" or worse, convicted of a crime is what I am worried about, especially further down the line, when I have a permanent position, a mortgage to pay, or a family to support. I recall in a Planet Money podcast episode an interview with a Wells Fargo banker, who after being pressured to meet new account quotas by opening extra accounts without their customers express desire, was somehow marked when she left her position, and had trouble finding another job in the banking industry. I wonder if anything like this (or perhaps a social credit system) exists, and if it could be corrected/adjusted as spurious information on one's credit report can be taken off.
Thanks for your comment. I have a male coworker on my immediate team who I feel comfortable confiding in. I am a little confused though: what sort of honest feedback should I be asking for? How I may be coming across to other people? Something else?
I have no intent on damaging my career or making others feel uncomfortable, so at this point, keeping my head low, nose to the grindstone, let this pass, is how I will attempt to make these last few months work out. From the comments here, I definitely gained from seeing other's perspectives of the occasional small-talk I was making could be viewed in a way other than what I was intending.
I am happy to provide some more detail. Is there something specific I can provide?
I'm bookmarking your comment! Thanks for your advice! I definitely could use a gym membership. And when I meet such new people, I'll try to find conversation topics that would be very unlikely to be taken the wrong way (as I have now learned, It's better not to ask people about their weekend plans as this could be viewed as hitting on them).
In hindsight, I realize that such a question about weekend plans could be taken the wrong way. I was ultimately trying to be cordial, not to make anyone (male or female) feel I was leading on to them.
On your last point, I am still a virgin now in my early-mid 20s. Never had a girlfriend or been in much of any romantic relationship. I met a girl while traveling, got her info and really connected after we were thousands of miles away over the Internet for a few months, which eventually faded. During college, I chose work and studying over a social life, and in hindsight, I kind of regret it. I definitely feel I am very socially underdeveloped/inexperienced and would love to know how to develop in this area.
Wow! That is a crazy story! I am not justifying the person who falsely accused you at all, but at least in the end, there was some "closure"/mutual understanding of how to reduce any tension. I wish something like this could have happened with management bringing me and them together to determine any problems and resolve them. I hate this feeling that I do not know what if anything I did wrong.
Thanks for your commend and advice! Definitely looking forward to keeping my head low and seeing how much more I can accomplish in these next few months I have left. I believe I fall into the socially-awkward/inexperienced category. Are there any resources you could suggest to learn more about social dynamics?
After sleeping on it, this is sort of how I feel. I would have personally gone to see someone who is bothering me to let them know before going straight to management. And if I felt extremely uncomfortable, then perhaps I would ask if management could be present in a meeting between me and the person who I feel bothered by.
Thanks for your input! I have toyed with the idea of meeting with management and making such demands, but between being nervous of getting fired sooner than my internship already ending, I am reluctant to do so. On the other hand, I feel this may be good practice on how to approach a similar situation should one arise, and when I am in a permanent position. The single co-worker I asked (and generally confide in) was very shocked to hear this and had nothing bad to say about how I handle myself around other people in the company.
Thanks for your insightful comment! And I'm sorry to hear of your brother's story. It has been hard, but I have suspended talking to people about non-work-related topics since this incident. I thought I was in a domain of acceptable topics, but I guess its better to exercise extreme caution. I am also not very socially-skilled so perhaps this lack of experience has been the catalyst for this incident. I would think that a normal person would signal to me that they are not interested in talking further, or should they feel bothered inform me of this prior to going directly to management, but I guess if they feel extremely threatened or intimidated, they might see management as their first option.
Thanks for your advice. The first question I was asked was if I knew why I was brought into the meeting with management. I answered I honestly did not know. When they told me, I made someone feel uncomfortable I apologized for any harm I caused to this person. I asked if I could know who this person is so I could apologize to them but I was informed that they had no interest in speaking to me. Its been two weeks, and no-one has come forward to me yet sadly. If I were in their shoes, I would have come forward to someone who is bothering me prior to going to management. Though if I did feel seriously intimidated by this person, I would ask if I could have a meeting with management and the person bothering me present. But thats just me.
I sit facing a wall on one side of the room. The two desks on either side of me are where my teammates (both male) sit. Behind me at the other end of the room, there are two girls, one facing the back wall, and one facing the opposite side wall. The only time I look in their direction is when I enter and leave the room.
No substatial evidence was provided. After being told that I made a woman feel uncomfortable, I immediately apologized for any harm I would have caused. I then asked if its possible to know what I said or did that caused this discomfort to insure I do not repeat an offending action. Management said they could not divulge this information for privacy reasons. So at this point, I feel there is really no evidence other than the testimony of one person.
Good idea! Thank you! Being this is an internship ending in a few months, I feel it might not be worth it, but definitely in the future, when a permanent position or clean criminal history may be at stake, I think a legal consultation would be appropriate. I just wonder, is there anything I can do to reduce such risk other than just being extremely cautious when speaking to women?
This is a little off-topic so mods, please flag/move as needed. (Wasn't sure if I should make this an Ask HN or not).
I feel I may be a victim of a false accusation of sexual harassment. I am really not sure how to proceed at this point. I have not put up a fight for fear that I could loose my job (which may already be in the works at this point). Management has not used the term "sexual harassment", only the verbiage that "I have made a female employee feel uncomfortable".
As I am currently in a temporary internship position due to end in a few months, I am not so concerned about this job, but this experience has made me very concerned about being falsely accused in the future of sexual harassment or rape. Should I just avoid all interaction with women at work completely? How would I do this with a female boss? (refusing to meet with her in private?)
I like your idea! I too have been interested in staying in a different city (NYC) to check out the tech-scene before considering relocating there. Though I've been to NYC probably 10+ times to visit family, I have yet to see if it's a place "tech-worthy" enough to consider making a home there (in the sense of having enough job opportunities, like-minded folk, etc).
I found this digital.nyc site which has a lot of resources. Perhaps SF has a similar site.