annie_muss

I'm a (not particularly successful) dev with ADHD.

Some of the general organisational advice can be helpful. Keep things in calendars, todo lists, files etc. There is no magic bullet. A todo list won't fix your lack of executive function. Just pick some tools to keep track of everything.

I really like voice assistants. I use an Amazon echo to update my calendar, set timers, reminders etc. For me, pulling out my phone to do any of those is guaranteed distraction.

Some time tracking told are useful for finding out what works for you and what you actually did with you time. "Today felt really bad, but actually I got three hours work done" or "I went on YouTube for 6 hours straight, what sent me off task?"

I understand the ideas behind publicly talking about salary, but I don't think I could ever mention my salary publicly. I know my friends earn a lot more than me and I'm ashamed of my salary. I'd much rather have them thinking that maybe we were possibly on level footing.

When talking about money, it's not just money that matters. Social rules and emotions are in there too.

I would love to take a break, but every day missed is missed earnings. You have to realize how lucky you are to be in a position to take extended time away from work without suffering some kind of penalty.

A technical solution is the last thing you want: if you implement a "perfect" technical solution then it removes your feeling of responsibility to try. What you need is the skills to be able to resist the behavior you want to not do. Things like therapy, meditation, CBT may help.

Not all technical solutions are bad. If you're an alcoholic don't get a job in a liquor store. But there's always going to be times you need strategies to make the right decisions.

Same here. Mid thirties. Friends are running successful companies, making 6 figures, in early retirement. I'm still living in a small apartment struggling with a Swiss cheese resume.

My advice to others: don't think "I'm still young, there's still time." Push push push today! You will rapidly run out of time. All through my twenties I did various jobs, I thought that great software job was just around the corner. Turns out it's not that easy and when you're older people expect a lot more from you.

"Wanting to invite someone into my brain for the day" really resonates with me.

There is still a stereotype of ADHD as the hyperactive child: running around, yelling, disrupting others. When your ADHD presents as absentmindedness, lack of attention and staying on task, daydreaming and so on it is much easier for it to go unnoticed.

I have plenty of ADHD symptoms that will be noticed by those around me. Forgetfulness, distractibility, poor working memory but it's really just the tip of the iceberg.

It's worth remembering that what works for John Carmack may not work for you.

You may have more distractions in life or job that you cannot get rid of.

Your baseline innate ability to focus may be very different.

You may have less experience training the skills required to focus.

Watching how successful people do things can provide useful inspiration for things to try, but you have to apply your own critical thinking and find what works for you.

I wish I had done more internships at college.

I wish I planned out my career. I'm in my mid thirties and it is really hard to job hunt without a cohesive story about what you have done and what you are moving towards.

I wish I had moved to a big city ASAP. Big city means more jobs, more money, more young people.

I wish I put more time and effort into communication and emotional skills. Technical skills are not the most important thing.

My overall advice for college agreed people: do a small scale version of what you want to do as a career. It could be as a small side project, with a friend or as part of a college club. Do it in a rough way, but finish it and make something. You learn a lot by taking something to completion.

Well, I don't think microaggressions are a huge problem, I do think they are a useful word to describe a phenomenon.

Full on racially motivated abuse is obvious and easy to understand. When someone tells me to go back to my own country and so on everyone around me can easily condemn that behavior.

Microaggressions are much more subtle. When someone is dismissive or rude to you it's very hard to tell whether they were doing that because of your race, gender, or because they are just an unkind person. For each individual action, it's basically impossible to say whether it was racially motivated or not. But after repeating this situation again and again you noticed that on average people are treating you a little bit differently.

I don't think it's worth complaining or trying to correct microaggressions. But I do think it's a useful term to describe what happens and to share experiences with others.

Without knowing much about someone I think the first half of your advice is dangerous. I used to operate that way, thinking I could get a job any time so why worry. I quit a job with nothing lined up and couldn't get anything above minimum wage. Not everyone is having recruiters bang their door down and offer them great jobs.

I think the shift from big companies deciding the winners to democratized content creators Isa shift in the right direction.

However, has anyone tried to quantify just how difficult it is to get those 100? Even for unpaid followers/listeners I've never managed to get more than a handful.

Work with your doctors to get the right medication and dosage.

Don't avoid medication just because it is medication.

Accept the fact that you have adhd and that you will have days of low productivity. This will overall make you happier.

Work on the systems in your life to support your deficiencies. To do lists, calendars, reminders, etc.

Be realistic about what you can do. It's easy to have a very productive day and then extrapolate to a month or a year and come up with some unrealistic estimates.

I think a better way to frame it is on a continuum. If you lose 1% of the strength in your legs you probably won't notice. If you lose 99% you're stuck using a wheelchair. There's no clearly defined point where it goes from "normal" to "problematic", but if it's bad enough to affect you functioning in day-to-day life then it's an issue.

I agree with this completely. I sounded just like the OP. I struggled with it for decades. Then recently I was diagnosed and started taking medication. Some of the problems basically stopped instantly.

I implore anyone reading this and noticing it in themselves to go to a professional and find out if you have ADHD or not. I am by no means "cured" or completely functional but at least now I have a fighting chance.

I suffer from ADHD. I'm not sure my advice is a good fit for your specific situation, but these are some things that I think are helpful.

1. Get your health/medication on point. Find out what medication works for your and take it consistently. You can't afford to lose out on the extra executive function good medication can give you.

2. Accept your ADHD. Flagellating yourself for missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, procrastination and so on will only make things worse. I used to beat myself up about procrastination and it led to a cycle of anxiety that only made things worse. If you have a low productivity day accept it. Take each new day, each new project and each new task as completely fresh an isolated.

3. Record yourself working. Use a camera or a screen recorder. Try to notice exactly what happens. Do you start a task and then procrastinate? Do you procrastinate before the task starts? What triggers it? Is it internal? External? It can feel like you know what is triggering things but getting an actual recording can show you things you would have never noticed in the moment.

4. Inject novelty into boring tasks. Often simple boring tasks don't have enough excitement to make them interesting. Counterintuitively, making a task more difficult can add novelty and help stop you procrastinating. What adds novelty and challenge will be very individual.

5. Make peace with that fact that some techniques will stop working for you and you will need to change how you work. Just because something was working great last week doesn't mean it will work this week.

Good luck!

I genuinely wish the author all the best, but I can't help but feel concerned.

ADHD might be better named as "novelty addiction". I myself have quit jobs many times when I would have done better to stay put, always hunting for something new.

If the author was successful as a freelancer and as an employee then he seems to have the ADHD under control well. That gives me hope that he will find his footing as he takes his next steps.

I wonder if growing up with it changes things? I've been more or less addicted to the screen since I was in elementary school. It started with web forums, then other social media. I was concerned about it then and now. I distinctly remember abstaining from screens for a week when I was 11 to see what it was like.

In many ways social media is a reality these days. It's the main way you interact with your peers, form romantic relationships and so on.

I take Concerta (methylphenidate). It helps a little. The hardest thing is getting a job interview when your resume says "Company X June 1st - August 31st" over and over.

I started using "organizational systems" when I was very young. Lists, diaries, planners etc. I would put sticky notes on my bedroom door in elementary school to remind myself of things. My personality is quite shy and reserved so in school ADHD never caused problems. The stereotype is a loud child racing around the classroom causing havoc, not someone quietly getting lost in the ocean of their thoughts.

The inconsistency is one of the parts that gets to me. Yesterday I was able to study and work on side-projects pretty much all day. At the end of a day like that you start thinking "Maybe things are gonna be ok. Maybe I'm gonna get an ok job and make things work." Then the next day comes. Today I haven't been able to do anything, even though there's essentially no difference between the today and yesterday. How can you make a plan if you have no idea how much you will be able to follow through on your intentions?

Let me start by saying I feel exactly the same way as you.

I had a great start in life and then couldn't follow through. In my twenties I had a string of jobs, each lasting less than 6 months. I got diagnosed with ADHD at the start of my thirties. It explains a lot.

Now I'm stuck watching my former classmates with their successful careers while I try to scrape together $400 for rent. Staff engineers at Google, CTOs of companies and so on. They likely make more in a year than I'll make in my lifetime. It feels bad.

I think a lot of advice on this topic will focus on how to get successful. How to get the job. How to get the house. I think that's the wrong way to go about it. Focus on the small things you already have, however tiny. Actively seeking out the joy in the mundane, everyday things is a great start (and however much money and success you have, your everyday life is usually quite mundane).

I had similar feelings when I was diagnosed. It takes time for something like this to sink in. It's also worth remembering that you don't have a point of comparison because you've always been like this.

You can try therapy. Or not. You can try medication. Or not. The diagnosis is simply more information about your situation. Talk to professionals, explore your options, reflect back on what works for you.

Can you go into more detail about what withdrawal is like for you? I've been taking methylphenidate for ADHD recently and I want to know what to look out for.

As a counterpoint: I also have ADHD and went out on my own. Without oversight and managing I performed absolutely terribly. The company I started produced nothing and I ended up worse off after the experience.

If you think starting a company/freelancing is right for you, by all means do it. But if you have had multiple failed jobs already because of your ADHD then think long and hard about giving yourself a job that arguably requires more executive function than a regular day job.

I very much agree with your sentiment about children. I'm into my 30's and feeling the ticking clock. Part of me wishes I had had children 10 years ago. Unfortunately, having children means less time and effort to put into career advancement. Getting and keeping a job as a software developer is challenging enough already without trying to keep a family together too.

I don't see any point in discussing salary. I know my friends earn more than me. I gain nothing from talking about salary.

I was diagnosed about a year ago when I was 30.

Overall I have had a slight improvement after getting a diagnosis. My post history will give you more details if you're interested.

I tried medication. I find it helps a little. Better than not having it. Temper your expectations. Some people get big improvements, others get very little. It's just one part of the puzzle.

Other therapies can help too. ADHD counsellors and coaches. CBT. Medication might help you to access these.

Really, there is basically no downside to getting a diagnosis. You could decide to not take medication and you wouldn't be any worse off than before.

If you are noticing a relatively sudden change it might be worth getting a physical to rule out any other deficiencies/health problems that could be contributing to your issues too.

Good luck with your journey. Remember, changes take time. You wouldn't go for a jog one day and then say you're done with fitness. Mental health and fitness take constant care, attention and effort.

I cannot follow a plan. I know what I need to do but do not do it.

Essentially my whole working life has been like this. I probably have one or two good work days per month. The rest of the time it really goes no where.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 30. This seems to be a big part of it.

I would recommend talking to a professional who might be able to dig down to the root cause of this for you, especially if it has started recently. Also, look into speaking to a doctor to rule out any physical conditions.

Lots of people will come in here with technological solutions. Adding limiting software and blockers may help with some aspects of a phone distraction habit, but they're unlikely to solve the problem long term.

The first step is to notice why you're using the phone. Since this habit is likely very strongly engrained it will be difficult to notice.

Here's an example from my life:

I'm working on problem -> I don't understand what to do next -> I feel confused and anxious -> This feeling is unpleasant and I want to avoid it -> I pick up my phone to browse something meaningless to take my mind off of the unpleasant feeling.

Your exact triggers and feelings might be very different. Finding the pattern of your thoughts is the important thing. With this in mind, you can start to understand why getting rid of the phone probably won't help. You will just replace it with another activity.

I tried switching to a dumb phone and cutting the internet off to my house for 6 months. It didn't help that much. Instead I would deal with the unpleasant feelings by watching TV or picking up a book.

Your habit was built over months and years. You won't change it in a day. The first step is just noticing your feelings (harder than it sounds!).

I recommend the book Indistractable [1]. It gives a lot more detail about how these internal distractions are the root cause of a lot of procrastination habits. Just reading the book will not fix your problem in the same way as reading a book on running will not get you through a marathon. You have to put in the work over weeks and months.

Good look. With time and effort you can change this habit.

[1]https://www.nirandfar.com/indistractable/

I've never been a coffee drinker, but I drink one or two cups of tea a day. Maybe it helps a tiny bit, but I haven't really noticed.

I was diagnosed as a 30 year-old. Here are some things that might help.

* Accept it and be realistic about it. ADHD is a disorder. There is no cure. Don't expect it to go away or for you some system, drug or technique to reduce it to zero. There are no silver bullets

* Forgive yourself. Getting worked up about the disorder only causes more pain, anger and stress. You are not lazy.

* Address any other mental health problems that may be related to or caused by ADHD. I am still recovering from anxiety related to my ADHD.

* Medication is effective. If there is any reasonable route to trying it then do so. Some people report night and day differences.

* Routines help me a lot. A good routine becomes automatic. Think about some of the things in life that you do automatically and completely without thinking. Try to make a routine that serves your goals and the things you want to do. I prefer a routine that is the same every single day (including weekends) if possible.

* Your working memory is impaired. Do not try to remember anything. I always keep a notepad and pen next to my computer as a substitute for working memory.

* Distractions. Some are worse than others but people with ADHD are more susceptible. Find a way to reduce notifications, alerts (both auditory and visual). When you are focusing on something, try to remove anything else from your visual field. I have two monitors but I make sure that if I only need one window for the task at hand then the other monitor is showing the desktop.

* In the same way, if you want to be sure to remember something, keep it in your visual field. When I'm using my to do list software and I select a task, I put it as a small window in the top left of my screen (with all the other remaining tasks hidden of course!). If I get distracted I can simply look to the top left of my screen to remember what I was doing.

Knowing you have ADHD is a great first step. Improvement is possible, but it takes time (years, not weeks).