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It's not the medium per se, although i space out a lot when i'm listening to something. But, i might being totally wrong, his podcast comes off as self-help voodo that comes from someone with a academic background.

You misunderstood me. I'm a full time overthinker with years of experience. My mind turns blank when i'm socializing within a group of people. The only thought i might have it's self-conscious thoughts.

I used to have automatic long conversations with myself and that really helped me. But after the start of an important period in my life the cognitive back and forth stopped, and a lot of times i tried to re-start it but my attempts were in vain.

For example: "What do i want to eat today"

"Yesterday you eat X but you being thinking about ordering Y for a long time"

"Yes, but i don't want to spend that much money for Y. It doesn't worth it. I can by Z with that money."

" Well... then thing something else... you can by something that costs less"

That back and forth also applied to more serious matters.

Correction: Medication

I've tried to listen his podcast, but i couldn't get into it. I don't know why. it's just puts me off. I don't think it's the content. The content was the main factor that made me check it out.

Funnily enough, I've never been into coffee. Probably because i haven't really explored the various flavors and types of coffee. But i do drink a lot of beverages that contains caffeine, and it's in my plans to stop entirely.

It's not. I was in the same situation long before I started meditation

I'm curious, how did you come the conclusion?

I've tried to keep a journal. I'm about to start again -- for the n-th time-- but i don't know how to use it, beyond writing my thoughts. How am i going to use the reflections i wrote nine days ago? Sometimes i re-read what i wrote, but i can connect with the words and thoughts that are written on the paper.

Because besides techies we are human beings. With feelings, experiences and perspectives.

> In the short term, try to understand that fear of failure is basically fearing the inevitable, since you will fail at many points in life, but fear will actually increase the probability and impact of failure. At the same time, failure is somewhat meaningless unless it affects your health or life (like failing to free solo a cliff).

Your comment is the only take on failure that spoke to me. For a while I try to find something about failure, but everything I've read-heard didn't spoke to me.

Your comment also made me realize that, at least for me, there are two types of failure: Life/health failure and failure of ego. I live in this state for so long that I cant differentiate the two (with the exception of imminent harm or death)

Usually ruminating about the past, worrying about the immediate/long term future, browsing mindlessly or listening to music and do everything mentioned.

Today i went for a 30minute walk after i woke up (A while i go i used to run everyday and i want to start again. That's why i walked today), then i finished a chapter from Le guin's "The dispossessed". Watched a movie and always thinking about the assignments :P

> For me the issue was external factors. Don't ignore your social and romantic needs, don't try to do more than it is required of you to impress. Don't define yourself purely through your academic abilities, as annoying as that might be.

I think a big size of my mental problems are the lack of social and romantic satisfaction. I have social anxiety but i love people. I love going to parties, having interesting conversations, flirting etc. To the extent that some people wondered why i choose to study computer science :P (my second choice is sociology and political science, which i want to study someday).

> So life situations where stakes are not high should be used to run high-risk experiments so that we can learn from them.

Your comment made me realize that every failure i considering it as high stakes...

As for John Danaher, he's seems an interested character. For a while now i want to listen his conversations with Lex Fridman, and also the 3hour long conversation he did with two other martial artists.

I know,thank you... :)

I started to realize that, I've been depressed and anxious for so long that i don't know how to function in my daily life.

Actually my med doctor changed my meds from Escitalopram to Venlafaxine.

My problem is i can't convince myself to do anything other than stay in bed and rot, besides going out. In terms of activities i'm 95% outside and 5% inside. For example i found that i like studying around others, but when i'm attempting to do just that my brain starts the same routine "This is pointless. You won't go far", etc, etc. Even when i have to do activities with others my brain tries to convince me to go home (or stay home if i'm already there) and stay in bed.

I used to run, and i like running (paradoxically enough) but like everything else i can't convince my self to make it a habit even when i want to.

When i started to take medication before my med doctor changed them to the current one, i was terrified about side-effects and i pushed and pushed my desire to start them. But then one day i said "Enough. I can't continue living like this. I prefer the side-effects over this shit" and i started taking them, but sadly they didn't work.