Schroedingers2c

Thank you, appreciate the empathy and advice!

Thank you so much! Good luck on your further journey!

Thanks a lot!

Thanks a lot for the advice! I've been going to the gym for years on and off now. But I told myself that from now on I am going every single day for the foreseeable future.

Thanks man! Really appreciate sharing your story!

Wow, interesting life story!

Yep, one of the slightly less healthy aspects of my relationship was that last year we got quite codependent (I believe, though, influenced my a few external influences, but not only).

Thanks! Happy you turned it around!

Thanks for sharing your story and advice! Hope you are doing ok now!

Thanks mate! Hope you are doing ok, sounds like we understand each other.

What do you have in mind with "doing something about the addiction"?

Thanks for your story, sounds quite relatable! I am planning to finish the PhD and put everything in the next 12 months and then probably move countries or even continents. Glad to hear you made it.

Indeed, well said!

Thanks for the recommendations! I know some of Pete Walker's stuff but have never read his CPTSD book yet.

Thank you. Especially the first two sentences are interesting.

Thank you so much, very thoughtful response! I like your observation on the pile of broken glass. I enjoy describing things poetically / with mental pictures / with analogies. I've never thought about it really, though.

My childhood dream job was being a pilot, but my eyes are slightly too weak for the medical thresholds. I still have that passion for aviation. I'm always excited to go to the airport, or see planes flying by. There was a time when I could identify which plane was flying 40000ft above me just by its size/shape/shape of its contrails. I played a lot of flight simulator in my teenage years.

Funny thing is, accomplishments made me happy at least in the past. I come from a small rural village and my family had money struggles when growing up. With a lot of hard work and isolating myself during my undergrad I managed to get into a very competitive MSc. program in one of those universities everyone knows. That gave me a big boost in confidence and made me feel good about myself. It also helped getting into the prestigious research group I am in now. But at/after the MSc. I somehow became disillusioned with academic/work achievement and realised just how uneven the playing field is (I met many very privileged people at that uni). And also that it's more important to go your own path rather than adhering to what society tells you to do (because, in slightly Orwellian terms, what society tells you to do is certainly influenced by fat bellied, suit wearing people in board rooms).

Other than that? I guess I've always been into sports. I like "optimising" my health (but not to an obsessive degree). I like great literature and philosophy (although I'm sometimes thinking it's a form of escapism for me and that I secretly want to heal myself by absorbing some of the insights). I like the outdoors and nature. I like travelling and being in motion.

Yep, had a 8 month girlfriend before (first love) but this one was the first significant and really deep relationship.

I have reached out a lot to near and distant friends/colleagues and family. It has helped and at least one new deep friendship with a colleague seems to come out of it, which I am quite happy about.

Thanks for the last sentence, made me smile.

Thank you! I'm trying all those things and got into a daily morning walk routine and am going to the gym every single day for the foreseeable future.

I also found a Surf & Yoga week in Portugal I might do.

Wise words. Thank you!

I appreciate your advice. My baseline diet is fairly healthy, though.

I am indeed prone to wallowing, so thanks for that advice.

Funny that you mention it. Since the breakup I have started every single day with a ~1h walk in the next park, no matter the weather. I intend to keep that routine and at the moment I find a bit of peace in doing it.

Yes it makes me a bit more pessimistic about the PhD, because I was struggling with the PhD already before the breakup. My relationship was a big support and comfort that helped me grind through especially the past few months of the PhD. But now that's gone so I feel like I'm a bit cracking under the weight of finishing the PhD within the next year.

Thanks for the reply. Which practices did you try and/or which one helped you the most? In what ways are you doing better compared to before? What makes you confident that you can attribute the improvements to meditation?

Yep... I answered 12x Yes, 7x Somewhat (or Yes in the past) and 3x No.

Thanks for your reply. Yes it is still fresh, I also still love her and find it very hard to accept this new reality. I've talked a lot to friends and family the past 2 weeks so that helped. I know all I can do is let time do its thing.

I have been with her now 4x. I have talked about my upbringing and that that is the motivation why I came to see her. Then the breakup happened, so the last two times we talked about that.

Apparently she is specialised for adult children of complicated parents. And apparently next time we will do some questionnaire or something. So far we have only talked and she suggested one book ("iRest - Healing PTSD") which I started reading. She is supportive, but so far she mostly said I should find things I like doing, join sports clubs, try mindfulness and basic stuff like that. I know that my issues run deeper.

Wow, did not expect that many responses. Thanks a lot for all the encouraging words and pieces of advice! I will respond to some specific comments in their comment threads.

Would you mind giving a high-level summary of the physiology of mental health (like one paragraph or two, however much you like)? Just the main things that are currently known/believed.

I appreciate your reply, thank you fellow human hidden behind a veil of 0's and 1's!

Thank your for this post, the map is amazing.

Unfortunately I live in a class 8-9 (5190µcd/m2) location right now, but recently I have been to a class 2 (6.41µcd/m2) location and in moonless nights the sky was indeed fantastic and incredibly immersive.

I have plans to move to the latter country in a few years time (for many reasons, but low population density and a lot of breathtaking nature/wilderness being among the top reasons).