> Root Cause Analysis
> [...]
> [List of technical problems]
No, the root cause is you have no senior engineers who have been through this before. A collection of distributed remote employees, none of whom has enough experience to know any of the list of "Basic Knowledge Needed to Run a Website at Scale" that you list as the root causes. $30 million in funding and still running the company like a hobby project among college roommates.
Mark my words, the board members from the VC firms will be removed by the VC partners due to letting the kids run the show. Then VC firms will put an experienced CEO and CTO in place to clean up the mess and get the company on track. Unfortunately they will probably have wasted a couple years and be down to the last million $ before they take action.