How long did it take to build this, and how many people? My brother was interested in game development and I wanted to send him something inspiring, but not "I will never do this in a million years"
3,067 karma · joined January 6, 2015
"Heres why you should ____"
"... and Maybe You Should Too"
I also enjoy kagi and have been trying to use it more recently
I think it looked something like this, but even older looking than this:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0b/IB...
and it had nothing on it except a PDF reader or something, so I would pretend to write important documents and turn it on and off many times throughout the day because I couldn't really do much else with it, and I was running on fumes as far as using my imagination as there was literally -nothing- on it.
And yes, had a huge part of who I am today
But this sort of learning is more about the purpose of stimulating my mind with challenges rather than acquiring knowledge.
80% of my time learning is when its a tool, 20% of the time its for stimulation, 100% of the time it is for some meaning other than it being satisfying to collect knowledge and facts, which is 0% of the time.
And some time later I found an Atari at a garage sale.
I’ve always how much I missed out getting in when I did. Kind of like kids these days in frontend frameworks not ever know ie conditional comment tags or csszengarden
Have you tried fasting or other things to help try to narrow down the cause of your headaches? Have you had extensive blood panels (a full panel, not a simple one your doctor will give you... I think you have to order the FULL full ones online). A lot of my business partners and people I work with do that biohacking stuff where they try to find out every way to augment their body. They do weird stuff like fly to mexico to get stem cell injections, etc. Ive never been into that, I just take a multivitamin, but it's possible there is something you're deficient in that could be found out? I'd be almost certain there is SOME combination of SOME THING on this earth that would fix whatever it is, even if it's not well medically documented.
I know a number of people with severe neurotic issues, like TRUE neurotic issues, and fasting is really the only common denominator of what has helped them more than any medicine. People have thought fasting was fugazi woo-woo for the longest time but I believe medical science is now catching up as to the benefit (harvard studies, etc). Ive fruit fasted for 45 days once and healed my gall bladder after the doctor couldnt explain what was wrong with it and their only option was to cut it out.
"I like engineering/design and making usable things" => Make usable things. I don't make unusable things because its waste of time, I make things that give me what I want most (freedom), which also correlates to money. I just really enjoy programming as that process of doing it
"However, whatever I do is never enough for "others" while it is really okay for me" => I literally give zero fucks about others, I'm sure thats obvious by now. I literally couldn't give a flying asshole hair about what someone's opinion is. Seriously though, I picked a business partner I got along with, and we built things, and made lots of $, and had lots of fun, and I wake up every day excited for what the day brings. I work very very hard, but it never feels like "work." Thinking of "others" is so far from my realm of reality that ... well, even when I worked for someone at my first job, I didn't care about that. I care about what I value above others.
"I move on to the next project or venture. There is no introspection from what I built." => Hmm... I have some of the most painful failures in some projects you could ever imagine. I have 2 stories that come to mind, where it was absolutely soul crushing. Think of that guy who sold his shares in apple for $4000. its kind of like that. Even for these projects I dont really feel introspection, just reference points to expand my experience, and make me battle hardened. I don't think much of them, or lament about them. I also dont have any major epiphanies of introspection about them. They just happened, and thats that.
"because they are just replicas nothing more" => Again this is like a Ti/Te thing I think. For my own code, I treat it like art. You might think if I care about things as a "tool" then I dont care about code quality or how it looks. Quite the contrary, I think my type is extremely creative characteristically, and I am also extremely creative. I like to draw and paint as much as I like to code. I embody both extremely logical and extremely creative processes, so I treat my code like art. The best solution to me is an elegant one. So I also would be bothered by creating hollow replicas of things IF I didn't have something else more meaningful to me. My neovim config is something dear to me. I've refined my vim/neovim config for my entire professional life, and it feels like my "essence" as weird as that sounds. Its very meaningful to me. So I channel my positive creative energy into things that DO matter, while I can also throw up a cheap replica I did in a day and not think that it hurts my identity. If I didn't have those other meaningful things though, it WOULD hurt me for sure. I channel my soul and being into most code I write, and thats part of why big failures hurt me so much, it feels like a part of me is gone. I used to apply my energy to anything and everything in 20s, and now Im far more deliberate about what gets that "soul juice". the rest of the time, other things get a dilluted form of my energy that doesnt take away from me.
"The problem here is I can't afford the luxury of time because of other aspects of life. I get an hour of free personal time at max" => This is probably one of the largest problems I see here. Out of the entire post. Is this something you can fix in any way possible? Is it because of school? Are you sure its a real problem that cant be fixed? When I started I did freelancing for 8 hours a day and then spent the whole rest of the day learning and doing my own personal projects. When I had my first job, I worked 8 hours a day coding at a company, and another 5-8 hours building my own first app. Ideally theres a lot of time you can make, if you cut out TV, going out, etc.
5.
"The whole idea of finding an average job was to finish it within 4 hours (because I don't have to put effort) and later use the remaining time for myself. This is the only way in which I believe I can make substantial progress in self-improvement" => I think you should read the stuff I put above, I think it might answer this better than I could. It sounds like you might have an "energy" problem to resolve.
6.
"I want something easy because I am genuinely tired." => Ask yourself what you want. For me, I value freedom. And money means freedom. I want to be able to wake up, do anything I want, buy anything I want, travel anywhere I want. It doesnt mean I'm always doing it, but thats what I wanted.
When I started, I envisioned it like candles. Id think of a "fallback" about if i could do this ONE thing for the rest of my life, I would be happy. I really love traveling, and theres a whole field of "vegabonding" where you travel for as little money as possible. For a few thousand a month, I could travel the world with a laptop. I KNEW that I COULD achieve that, and so I always knew in the back of my mind "if I lose everything, and fail at everything, I will always have that". This allowed me to get that fear out of the way, and then naturally something bigger came along through applied effort. And then I replaced that candle with a brighter candle (a big project doing well, etc). I always kept replacing my "worst case fallback" and upgrading it, knowing if EVERYTHING I do fails, I will always have "X" to fall back on. Over the years, that has just grown to bigger (and multiple) candles. It has been a gradual process over the years.
I suspect though all of that will be fairly meaningless to you or not helpful as IF you are dominant Ti user then you might not think like that (but I hope it helps!), but perhaps that INTP book would help if I did not. I do know lots has been written about "life purpose for INTPs" who seem to struggle with it.
"So, I am not living up to my potential, I am not getting hired because I don't have "experience" for entry-level positions in the field I am interested in." => For this, practically speaking, this is why I work for myself and not others. Theres an entire other world most people dont even know about. Theres a HUGE amount of money to be made through being an entreprenur. My immediate friend/business group is made up of all very successful, very rich entrepreneurs, none of which were "born into money" like lots of people are always talking about. Some of them own some of the largest networks of certain industries in the entire world. These people are everywhere, this world exists if you look for it. Marketing/entrepreneur groups are a great place to start, as while I dont agree with most of what they say (I am techincal they are not) theyre great for meeting or interfacing with potential business partners. My facebook is full of tons of those movers and shakers, like the media buyer for a FAANG company who owns an agency, or the largest mover of product X on facebook etc, theyre constantly wanting to create joint ventures with people. You dont HAVE to work for someone if you do not want to. And, there are lots of very complex problems to solve if youre smart enough to do that. Theres no limit to how much you can use your brain.
Interesting, so that is in the group I mentioned (intuitive introverts) which probably benefit the most. I know several other INxx types in my life who had profound realizations after reading about functions which helped them understand "why am I like this?". I think because any Ni/Ne functions are very confusing to understand, as the majority of the population doesn't operate like that. So all advice you will generally get doesn't even align with the core way your brain operates. If MBTI stats are correct, only about 20% of the population is N type.
I won't talk about MBTI too much as I want to answer your questions, but there is a bit more here to unpack. If you find the functions useful, great. If not, also great. I'm not trying to "push" anything (for example IM sure there are flaws with the model, but as far as intuitive introverted types, INFP/INFJ/INTJ/INTP I think it really NAILS it. The creator of MBTI was INFP so perhaps that's why). I'm only saying for me personally it was one of the most profound realizations I've had in "WHY AM I LIKE THIS???". Not knowing never "blocked" me from being ambitious or having success, but it made it so much harder and more confusing and stressful. It literally drove me mad, like phantom in my head that wouldn't go away. Now all that is gone, all that's left is serenity and power.
First you can already see people replying about how its BS, ignore that and decide for yourself. Just watch that channel I sent, watch his INTP/ENTP video and see if it resonates for you (5 signs youre not INTP/5 signs youre not ENTP). If it does, it should resonate SUPER deeply. If it "sort of" resonates, try another type. If none resonate, move on.
INTP functions are Ti/Ne/Si/Fe. Keep this image up as you're looking at stuff...
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/4FOxRzLRbFa1d3dGmNC8csMUT7...
Also this one...
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e3/a7/cd/e3a7cd2cd36588ed593491234...
There's a lot of good info here and here specific to IN and NP types (maybe read later if you feel like it):
https://personalityjunkie.com/infj-intp-intj-infp-enfp-entp-...
https://personalityjunkie.com/the-intp/
This info is more "generalized" though you will have to do a lot of reading on your own. Thats why I recommend just watching those videos first, he really goes in extreme depth which is why I like it - high information density.
5 signs youre not INTP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jUosExjWPg
If you end up not being an INTP, you still could be a dominant/auxilary Ti user like ENTP, etc. Watching those videos and reading will help you narrow it down.
As for your questions --
Something about them I can't put my finger on it. I hate to bring up MBTI again (but as I said it's so relevant to me in my everyday life. this is why I love it, it helps me navigate certain peoples minds). I think you should read about Ti for sure, as I am an extremely heavy Te user, which are very different (this image important):
https://i.redd.it/4e2apeqtkgv41.png
Ti (you): https://64.media.tumblr.com/1754979912c37e66ed0412faf30b1204...
Te (me): https://64.media.tumblr.com/0c08f87f12be1b57ebf4e2f89a4a9afd...
Efficiency is one of my absolute highest values, and simplification, and generally for me, I don't HAVE to understand something in order to just fix it. Ti is quite the opposite (if you are in fact INTP), and so you must consider what I'm saying in your own context. My advice likely will feel "off" to you, but simply understanding WHY it's off is a huge part into relating it to your own methods. For example this feels very "off" to me, what you said: "So, it feels a bit sad to know by the time I am done, it will be worthless despite enjoying the process." This seems like a perfect demonstration of Ti vs Te. For me, EVERYTHING I do is attached to a higher meaning, I don't ever learn for learning itself. If I am learning stats, its to solve an algorithm. Even if I'm learning something stupid like making that 3d cube, I will never create a 3d game but the entire purpose of why I did it was to challenge myself and see "am i capable of doing this? Am I smart enough?" It wasn't because I simply "enjoy the process" of learning about projection matrices. And by this logic, I will NEVER be "sad" that it was worthless, because I quite literally NEVER do things that do not have some purpose attached to it, and that is paramount to my type Ni + Te. I DONT enjoy the process of learning in and of itself, I enjoy the thing at the end and the achievement. This is a perfect example, just that one small sentence, why I love learning about cognitive functions. Things like this you will go read though on the internet for advice and you will have types like me, Te, telling you "why would you worry abou tthat?" and the way your mind processes information is just different. You need to look at Ti specifically and Ti advice to learn how to answer that question.
so here goes, despite that.
1. I find confidence over time because I have just always trusted myself above anyone else, even as a kid. I grew up in complete isolation, so that probably has a lot to do with it. I had an extremely torturous childhood as well which made me very independent (no one else will help me except myself). That's always been an underlying thread in my life, so even though I will be NOT confident "work wise" in new situations with new teams, I still make do just fine. Ive trusted my code and my abilities by just DOING a lot of code and personal projects. I have over 100 personal projects, and not just 100 hello world apps, but actual projects. I think it's all about building reference points, as basically the thing that "solves everything."
2. I think I addressed this above, but I dont enjoy the process of learning without meaning, I enjoy applying energy into achieving a direct meaningful outcome using any means necessary, including vast amounts of learning. So when I learn it again and again because I forgot, I think nothing of it.
As far as "AI" doing it better, heres another example where I literally cannot even relate to that thought. I am an infinitely complex machine with cognition, capable of doing anything I want. I have consciousness, ambitions. ChatGPT is literally a LLVM in a browser that cannot write any more than basic code without bugs. Again I feel this is a Ti/Te thing... if learning is a means to an end for you, perhaps it feels like this "thing" has "bested you" because it "knows everything," making the pursuite of learning as a means to an end "more pointless." For me, I give zero fucks about that. ZERO. because how does that affect me? If I want to earn 1 million dollars building an app, then ChatGPT is not going to block me from doing that, in fact it will help me probably. It's just a tool, nothing more (funny because I think this is actually what the image above says, Te treats information as a tool). It literally has NOTHING to do with me, or what I'm capable of. It has nothing to do with my learning other than SPEEDING IT UP by a factor of 100x. Now again, you would have to apply that to Ti or reconcile it a different way to how you think. Perhaps you could look at it like, chatGPT did nothing other than put information that ALREADY EXISTS into a certain form. If you were upset by chatGPT making your learning meaningless, then why were you not upset by the information already existing in the first place? Why do experts in their respective fields not upset you? Is all the SAME information simply being regurgitated by a model rather than all the worlds leading experts really change anything? I have no idea if that line of questioning helps, but thats probably how I would think about it.
Are you starting to see why I like function stacks? Its for nuanced complicated things like this. Even a single sentence, of how we disagree, it can start to illuminate so much of WHY which then begins the process of integration and BYPASSING those things which we are stuck on.
more good examples: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/01/25/5-differences-between...
I believe INTP is one of the most depressed types if I remember right because they have the hardest stack to "deal with" life (really paraphrasing here). Theres entire books written about dealing with being an INTP:
https://personalityjunkie.com/intp-book-personality-careers-...
All of this is only about Ti even, this doesn't even go into the complex world of Ni vs Ne, and how 80% of the rest of the world has dom/aux Ni/Ne function at all, but rather Si/Se
I've helped ... maybe close to 70-100 people over the years, some for only a day, some for months, some for a year. (helping them with coding, business stuff, etc). I have a lot of solid reference points of what all different wakes of life are capable of.
Take ADHD for instance... my first business partner had extreme ADHD and also used it effectively to earn a net worth over several hundred million. He started by selling drugs and poor (just to diffuse any ideas he was born rich like your other comment). He just had a bunch of ways to deal with it effectively and channel it.
My other business partner mainly does jujitsu a lot, and has a lower innate focus level, but he's done all sorts of combinations of activities and sleeping patterns and supplements and whatnot to generate the best possible method for focusing, and has done it. We both work together all day long. For example he has to work in silence, or have certain music playing.
I also have 2 half brothers that are not from the same dad (where I get my mental genetics from, as I am identical to my dad). My one brother works at a dispensary and has never worked his brain harder than literally pushing 5 buttons in order on the screen, was JUST talking to me about this extensively. I took him on a 'deep dive' coding session with me over the period of 6 hours and did that multiple days in a row, and he had a panic attack (sort of) about how intense it was. He felt bad for several days because of the stark realization how he's never used his brain that hard in his life (hes wanting to know code, and I brought him right in on a screenshare where I made him program extensively on deep parts of the app, diving right into the deep end, where he got total information overload). His reality in a sense was shattered, and he had literally an "awakening" of sorts because it made him realize where he's at, and what he's been doing, what he's NOT been doing, and gave him a reference point SO far outside his comfort zone that it caused all his remaining reference points to "recalibrate" to encompass that outlier. I didn't talk to him for a week to let it digest, and he later said he naturally started watching videos on his own and said it felt "really good" to use his brain like this. He's been doing it more and more, flexing it more and more.
This is the process through which one can do that, of course you're not going to do 15 hours of coding right away, but just by flexing it repeatedly and having moments of self awareness and self clarity, is it possible. I KNOW it's possible because I've seen many people do it (not to the level I do, but absolutely to the level where you can achieve great monetary success).
The problem is, most people will never GET that moment of self clarity becuase they don't have someone like me being harsh and telling them they're a loser and it's time to wake up. Everyone around them is an enabler telling them its in their genetics that they can't do it, that the other person is "lucky", or hand holding and coddling them into a continued sedated state of self deception.
I do not care about whether or not it's a system that describes "all types", I literally said that in my original post that it might be completely useless to most "types" or it could just be not an all encompassing formula at all. I care that it describes MY TYPE, or even more specifically, ME.
Did you watch the video I put and the subjects he talks about? The things he discuss in that video resonate so well with me to the deepest interworking mechanisms within my own mind, and they're complex in nature, they are not vague statements.
All if this anyway is completely irrefutable to me, because I have observed it. No amount of Hacker news people lamenting that it's not scientific will ever change my mind, as I know my own mind 1000x better, and I know what explains it and what does not. I know how it's interwoven and related in 1000 interconnected ways, and the ways it is not. I can look at certain things about my mind and see them so clearly it's like looking at the sky is blue.
I also literally JUST said the "overall descriptions" are too general to be useful, and the real benefit is learning the actual function stack, and in what positions. Looking at 4 sentence descriptions of types to disprove what I'm saying is a stupid endeavor.
Most of everyone's interpretation has to do with behavior, this probably makes it "bite sized" for low-attention span people who just want to take quizzes online and move on. For the most part, it has nothing to do with behaviors, at least the parts I am interested in. It has to do with the way the brain perceives, processes, interprets, and assimilates information in vastly different ways.
2 things:
1) MBTI is most effective when looking at the cognitive functions, NOT just the overall "type" which is more generic. You really have to research about each function type, and what your function stack is, to get the most value.
2) I don't think MBTI is a perfect solution for every type, but I'm one of the lucky types (maybe intuitive introverts) who I feel benefit the most. For my type specifically, it describes me SO WELL that its scary. Far far more accurately than a 'random' or non-scientific theory could describe me.
I watched this video about myself and it says things that no person has ever understood about me, at a level so deep its like touching the heart of my soul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKzX-D2-GM
You could look more into taking this test to narrow down what your function stack is https://sakinorva.net/functions
If you resonate at all with what I said in that post you might be something similar.
When I understood these things, I stopped seeing them as me being "broken" per se... I mean I never thought I was broken but I would be very frustrated why my mind was always "empty" when other engineers seem to always have a neverending objective stream of concrete ideas.
Over time, as I read more and more and more about functions, I started to see and relate to people much better and differently, and also see how the parts of me I used to be confused at are actually huge advantages. And the areas where I am weak at (extremely in-depth domain knowledge) I can interact with those people and lean on them for that.
Ok I found it, start here: https://i.imgur.com/o3xT5Jh.png and then my reply here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36693161
I have no idea if you are like that or not, but don't cut yourself short thinking it takes 3-4x the effort.
Let me think about your questions throughout the day, as my mind has a lot layers of interconnected fibers, and I want to distil them all down into the most meaningful/impactful statements.
First of all, YOU are not a loser, but your viewpoints are. That is a large difference, as at ANY point you can have a moment of introspection to change your mind and beliefs, to be better. That's one of the greatest things about life is you can choose to be whatever you want to be, simply by doing it.
Tough love never hurt anyone, I find the best answer is the answer which resonates the truth. I personally don't prefer to be coddled and told "im a good boy" when my work fucking sucks. I want someone to tell me my work fucking sucks. This is the SHORTEST path from A->B (improvement), and if you respect your own time/energy, and care about efficiency, then it makes sense that this is a good approach.
Your third paragraph I don't even understand. Personally I learn for around maybe 1-6 hours per day depending on what I'm doing. Each morning starting at 5am I wake up, make coffee, and spend the entire morning getting in the right headspace learning about vastly different subjects through experiential learning. For example, an app I built recently that is doing well involves a large amount of statistics, and while I learned bayesian stats/linear algebra for a previous project/algorithm, I now have to re-learn a lot of things that I forgot. So I wake up, do that for hours, and I enjoy it, every second of it. All the things I'm learning I utilize in my own work. Another example: Ive spent the last 40 days converting/optimizing my 10+ year vim config to neovim, so for that I had to learn Lua (easy), how neovim works, etc etc. I've spent maybe 100+ hours on that alone over 40 days, ALL of that was learning. I have maybe 50 forum posts/IRC questions where all I did was learn for some purpose. Nowhere in here did i mention "hype stuff". Literally nothing in my day is concerned with hype. The vast amount of my time, 10-15 hours a day is spend coding on any one of my companies, learning all I need to for them (I am a solo developer on all of them with no tech employees).
> I humbly request you to point out the number of situations in your life where you applied second-order partial differential equations to solve anything that you are doing
I once spent over a year developing an ad network bidding optimization algorithm, and while it didn't involve differential equations it did involve a large amount of advanced statistics topics + machine learning topics, in essentially how to perform billions of ad auctions to optimize X with hundreds of input variables. I did that completely alone in my own bedroom. Ad network bidding mechanisms are black boxes because no one wants to expose how their X-priority pricing optimizations work, so I basically had to learn everything myself entirely from scratch, only scraping the bottom of the barrel with multi-year old white papers on ad network optimization. After some time doing this myself, just spending hours and hours each day doing this, I showed my work to the #2 developer at the largest mobile ad network at the time who developed their algorithm, and he told me that he was extremely surprised to see I got that far as a single person in the time I did, and mentioned it took their whole team to come up with something similar in a longer amount of time. And yet....... I didn't go to school for computer science. I literally went to college for the arts. Everything I have ever known is 100% self taught. I've never had mentors, classes, or anything. I dont even REMEMBER the things I learned in high school or college. Regarding graphics... one time I wanted to learn how rendering engines work so I learned all the math behind how to make a spinning 3d cube using different projection matrices etc, and then learned all the math that goes into that, and WHY it works. I'm horrible at math, btw. That took about a week, and I got to make a 3d cube, that had proper lighting etc, simply by just lots and lots of learning and reading. I have a HUGE amount of examples like this, literally hundreds over the many years.
I am not offended, I'm more disgusted, as anyone who personally sets their own goal posts far lower intentionally to "get by in life", has a repulsive mindset to me. It's literally "repelling". Notice I said the mindset, not the actual PERSON. I personally aim to be the best I can possibly be, in every manifestation of everything I do. Every single thing I partake in, I optimize/improve it, I try to be the absolute best at it. I'm not saying every person has to be like that, as obivously they are not, but they should not SEEK to be average, they should spend energy introspecting what blocks them. For me personally it feels organic, natural. Nothing to do with ego, and only to do with what "makse sense" in the most blinding way possible. We are put on this earth with free will, and the ability to grow, so why should the "grow" subprocess not take priority, as long as health and joy are balanced along with it. I find the actual process extremely rewarding and joyful.
It sounds like you should try to be an entrepreneur perhaps, where you will learn all of that on your own and actually do what you will. If you are smarter than average, then start utilizing it to its fullest potential. There are hundreds of millions of dollars to be made when you stop working for other people and work for yourself. That advice isnt good for most people though, but if you feel like you want to challenge your mind and USE the things you are better than average at, then do it. Theres literally so many avenues in tech that you can do that with, and they DONT involve........ startups, funding, or even other developers. I have worked with the same business partner for many years, and we have built countless very hard technical things that have absolutely crushed. I am not the smartest in the room (my last comment was an IQ test I took that was ~125, so nothing spectacular), but I am absolutely the best at integrating intelligent design with execution, in a way non-technical people can understand, while also getting my hands dirty with the most complex technical aspects, even if it means learning an entire part of a field to do it. This to me is the sweet spot.
What is your exact thing you are stuck on, if you had to distil it down into a single problem? Is it that you can't find a way to convert your above average intelligence into dollars?
Nothing wrong with being average programmer, everyone starts somewhere, and my early Stack Overflow questions are hilarious.
I have given up on hopes of learning. There is no such thing as learning after highschool. It's always one thing after another. College is chasing grades. Post graduate chasing papers. Never got a true chance to dive and learn. There is no room for failure. All I had to do was put of patch work to clear the subjects.
How can I expect myself to be good when I have cheated the system throughout my life.
I would love to be average. No responsibility. Slightly better pay.
You also fall on same average category. If you had any idea, you would have written something about it.
Just the single statement alone "There is no such thing as learning after highschool" is quite literally one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Start with that one... contemplate how........ absolutely, and utterly, incorrect that statement is. If you disagree, then start to pick apart your reasons for disagreeing, analyze how others outside yourself seem to be doing it and you are not. Stop lying to yourself.
And most of all, raise your goal posts above being as mediocre as possible, jesus christ.
Contemplate, even further, how ridiculous it is that you think its only possible to enjoy yourself if you have no responsibility and are a mediocre piss-ant. I can't even type this without feeling physical pain at your views. I hope you are 18 years old or something, and these things will sort them self out for you later in life.
Edit: I just got 121, definitely gets harder at the end lol, what a rollercoaster
Furthermore, the person I'm with is extremely emotionally intelligent, and she has experienced deep loss of over 20 people... she is an extreme veteran when it comes to emotionally accepting death/change.
For me, I feel like looking at memories is only a reflection how I can be hyper intelligent, but emotionally I feel like I'm 12 sometimes with how I deal with certain things. Maybe that it takes me a long time to integrate things which are painful. Above all else, daily, I feel perfectly capable and sharp, and I know deep down I will be fine, but then there is always this otehr side... hard to explain
Watching him be sad about food and coffee and cut grass is awful