Comment by hzhou321 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by hzhou321 | Hacker News Reader

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I have been in US for almost 20 years now and I am still having trouble responding to "thank you". I have no trouble saying "thank you" though.

Replying "you are welcome" feels like an acknowledgement that something I did to be a great deal, and to a Chinese (brought up in Chinese culture), this is embarrassing -- not I think it is embarrassing but I always automatically feel embarrassing. So each time even though I know I should reply "you are welcome", I always glitch out and when it come out, it is nearly always "no problem". Of course it means "no problem" for me (to do it or do it again), not that there wasn't problem for you that need help with. To a Chinese, attitude comes first and I have the first need of being modest (not as a virtue, but to actually feel comfortable). On the other hand, in Chinese culture, right or wrong is often not that important, so it is ridiculous that people would actually interpret "no problem" as a denial of their saying thank you in the first place (from the fellow comment, and this is actually the first time for me to understand why would some one give me over reaction when I reply no problem).

I actually always feel embarrassed (for another reason) when I realized I didn't say "you are welcome" and meeting some surprised expressions.

This article got me thinking and I decided that I should not feel embarrassed any more. There is nothing wrong in Chinese culture and I have been spent great effort coping with western culture half of my life and I believe most people do respect cultures. I will reply "no problem" and if people feel surprised I'll explain that is merely a culture difference.

I'm a bit confused as I think "no problem" is the perfect response to "thank you" in American mores. I say it all the time.

It's a way of assuring the gift receiver that the gift didn't burden you, the gift giver. That makes everyone happy and allows the gift receiver to accept the gift without guilt. And no native speaker will think you meant, "your problem wasn't a problem after all."

If it's a major gift, then it might be more appropriate to say, "you're welcome." But for minor gifts (like telling the time or help with a coding problem) "you're welcome" is a tad smug.

In any case, you're right not to worry about it too much.

As an American, I tend to use "no problem" when the value of what I gave was much less than the utility they got out of it, such as when I already know the answer to a problem they've spent a lot of time researching -- for me, it's 30 seconds of recalling information, while for them, it's 30 minutes of time saved. So the person I helped ends up much more thankful than I am put out, and deflecting the need for any thanks is appropriate in my eyes.

I tend to use "you're welcome" when it's things like getting called at 4am to come pick up a friend whose car broke down in the middle of nowhere. There's absolutely no way there their request didn't mess up my day, just due to the timing and time commitment involved, so it seems more appropriate to take their thanks seriously.

But on the whole, I think both are accepted well enough by native Americans in both situations, and it's one of the less important details of the language to worry about.

I'm confused because, etymologically, there's no difference between the two statements. I see them as two parts of a whole, in fact: "it was no problem; you're welcome to ask again." An "any time" can also show up in there.

Except that for some favors, it's not true that "It was not problem", even if it is true that "you're welcome to ask again". In these cases, I use "you're welcome".

In the others, I use "no problem".

I've been practicing saying "you're welcome" more often, because I noticed that some people would honestly be confused, suspicious, or offended if I said "no problem" after doing something that was obviously a bother.

For example, I'm stranded at 3am and you give me a lift even though you were sleeping. If you say "No problem", since it's obviously a lie, I think that you might be mad or disappointed that I made such a request.

FWIW, I always say "no problem" and have, since as a kid, thought "you're welcome" was pretentious.

Same. But how about "not at all"? Sounds totally non-pretentious to my taste.

As for gifts giving - I think the top commenter meant "unwrapping gifts" upon receipt rather than "accepting" them or not accepting. Coming from xUSSR, we were also taught that it is more polite to downplay any gift received and leave unpacking for later, instead express utmost gratitude to the giver upon receipt, rather than to a quality/essence of the gift itself. It also makes it less embarassing for those who gave a very modest gift, but the recipient expresses equal gratitude to everyone (like on a birthday gift reception) not justifying it by a gift value.

PS: How China is similar to xUSSR! this must be socialist countries attitude of being more humble and downplay achievements.

"Thank you", "Not at all", seems grammatically off to me.

If you find "no problem" to be hard to say - or perhaps you feel it is hard for your listener to hear - then you could try "my pleasure". I made this small edit to my speech a few years ago.

I recently heard a nurse say, "It's my privilege" in response to a thank-you. This felt like a more heartfelt acknowledgement of the gratitude being expressed.

One might also experiment with "It's no burden", which seems to fall somewhere between "My pleasure" and "It's my privilege".

Let's say you go out of your way helping someone, because you go out your way, it is not really a pleasure. Of course it is a pleasure and a feel of privilege when someone thanks/appreciates you. So saying "my pleasure" or "it is my privilege" is accepting the "thank you". To understand in Chinese culture, it is first need to be modest (or to feel embarrassing), therefore, "my pleasure", "it is my privilege", "you are welcome" all fails to fill the bill of being modest (either that or pretentious).

In comparison, "no problem" does not deny that I went out of my way but it is not a problem for me to do it (as long as you appreciate it).

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