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Comment by tempBadPerson | Hacker News Reader

I am capable of domestic violence, despite a lot of evidence in my life that suggested I would never do such a thing or even need to worry about that side of myself.

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Similar. In my case not violence and not necessarily targeted at other people, but I surprised myself how twisted my morals can get.

I even contemplated suicide about it. Of course people come rushing and tell you that you have a mental illness because no one in his right mind would think of killing himself for something that might as well not happened as no one took notice of it. But it is in my mind and I have to life with my mind.

Then again, centuries ago people raped and murdered and yet aspired to become great people. And some did. Certainly they never thought about ending their lifes merely because a million other people hoped they would die in a ditch.

Whatever it is you've done, or thought about, you should remember you always have choices, and one of the points that's crucial to making the best choices is... your past does not have to determine your future. Regardless of our past, we can change our future. Our ability to do so is governed by how intrinsic our past has become in shaping our current identity, how much we need to hold onto that past to feel like we know ourselves. Ask yourself this, if you could start life afresh, what would you want to do with it that you're not doing now?

An often repeated thought. Yet at some point (usually when children or rape is involved) people tend to suddenly forget about tolerance or sympathy and throw around death sentences, castration or torture. There are certain mistakes one can not do even once in most societies. And in some cases, or rather in some countries you won't have a life to return to (or you're dead in the first place).

Yes, there is a point at which tolerance becomes harder to find, such as when children or rape is involved. However, to me, a wasted life is a waste. Imagine an individual serving a life sentence for a horrible crime that they were definitely guilty of. They may never get out of prison, fine, but putting aside their predicament, why wouldn't you hope for them to make the best of what life they have? There is no benefit or pleasure in holding grudges, there is plenty of benefit in helping others find a more fulfilling life. Some people like to demonise others in order to separate themselves from 'evil' people, but the truth is everyone of us is capable of 'good' and 'evil', all capable of making a positive or negative impact on the world around them, and I refuse to see someone as sub-human just because they've made some really poor choices up until now.

I think, one should carefully choose the thoughts to derive one’s actual moral standards from. We have constant access to all kinds of information with vastly varying moral standards and that certainly lowers the inhibition threshold quite a bit. In a traditional social setting it’s much more difficult to think about anything you want, because there are fewer stimulating responses.

I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Do you mean that it's easier to do something bad because we are surrounded by bad things happening? Or that it's easier to get rotten thoughts because we know so much about things that happened, are happening, or that were justified in ancient times?

I think what 3rd3 was saying is that we can choose the morals we live by, but without being limited by societal norms the range of choice we have for defining our morals is too broad.

I'm not sure which of your comments that 3rd3 was picking up on, but that's what 3rd3's comment seemed to say.

That captures exactly what I was trying to describe.

Whilst I do not condone domestic violence, I accept we are all capable of acting on thoughts that feel beyond our control. What do you think brought it out of you?

I'm very sorry to hear that, thank you for making an anonymous account to open up about it. I hope you are or will be able to deal with it well.

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