Yours is not even a valid criticism. How about commenting on the actual content surrounding the words you're focusing on instead of arbitrary metrics that enforce your own perceptions?
This sort of inferiority can manifest itself structurally, eg. an army private vs. a captain, or individually, eg. insecurity and conceit. Based on the sheer volume of personal pronouns, it is clear that he is being subjected to a sort of myopia, and that he can't look at the issue objectively.
Removing oneself from the situation can be a valuable tool used to create objectivity, and one that this person has not attempted to employ.
It is written for a psychology journal, but the Annual reviews series is typically not loaded down with any more than the usual academic journal.