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Comment by edw519 | Hacker News Reader

56 instances of the word "I". That's your problem. All the rest is fluff.

OP, try rewriting this, substituting "he", "she", "they", or "you" for "I".

Funny how quickly your perceived problems melt away as soon as you stop dwelling on yourself and start focusing on others.

Edit: I realize that OP is being slightly sarcastic, but I took this as an opportunity: This is a condensed version of pretty much the same feedback I've been giving people struggling with themselves for years: It's not about you! As soon as you get that, you can move on.

A recent instance:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5763484

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I found the OP's style of introspection refreshing. I am not sure why it matters how many times he used the word 'I', after all, it is a post about the OP himself.

Yours is not even a valid criticism. How about commenting on the actual content surrounding the words you're focusing on instead of arbitrary metrics that enforce your own perceptions?

There is a positive correlation between frequency of use of personal pronouns and of insecurity and inferiority.

This sort of inferiority can manifest itself structurally, eg. an army private vs. a captain, or individually, eg. insecurity and conceit. Based on the sheer volume of personal pronouns, it is clear that he is being subjected to a sort of myopia, and that he can't look at the issue objectively.

Removing oneself from the situation can be a valuable tool used to create objectivity, and one that this person has not attempted to employ.

I'd love to read more about the correlation you mention. Can you share a reference to a relevant publication ?

It was discussed in The Secret Life of Pronouns by James Pennebaker (Although I only read about his finding in an interview in HBR). A few of his most salient points are explained in this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201108/the-is-have-i....

Through the wonders of Google Scholar, I give you: http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/faculty/pennebaker/r...

It is written for a psychology journal, but the Annual reviews series is typically not loaded down with any more than the usual academic journal.

Most HN readers are focused on technology and entrepreneurship. Comments like this one, which have to do with language and writing style, tend to get a bad rap as being "irrelevant" or "arbitrary."

But your comment is definitely relevant and potentially useful to the author.

Even though most of us are tech- and business-minded, we have to be aware that language is a big deal. The words we use to describe our products, startups and career experiences really affect how people think of them.

In this case, using so many instances of "I" makes the sentences repetitive and harder to read. That doesn't mean the article is bad or uninteresting. It just means the author has an opportunity to improve his already well-done essay by switching up his sentences and maybe focusing a little more on his environment.

Wasn't the OP's intention to write about themselves though? Changing I to he/she etc doesn't seem like it would make much sense? Could you expand on what you mean?

Yeah "I" don't get it: on face value, "I" disagree; surely it's nice to take responsibility rather than blame that which is external.

I believe this is typically where someone would respond with a snarky wooosh comment.

It's irritating when you read a narrative that is very heavy with personal pronouns, because you generally are reading a bunch of declarations strung together. As a reader, you're stuck wading through the muck to figure out WTF is actually being said. The whole point of introspection is to examine your actions and reach conclusions. Nobody cares about the minutae. If you're describing a trip to Tahiti, don't make me read about how you fed the cats and cut your toenails before heading for the airport.

For example:

"We opted to go for a web app purely because I was the most familiar with this platform but even then I had no prior experience and my friends were aware of this. I would be balancing my time between this and a well paid part time job at a local school as a music technician."

56 words and bunch of fluff. It sounds like a deflection of guilt.

What does it actually say? "I already had experience with web apps, so we decided a webapp would get things done quickly."

Good example, my issue was really that the suggestion of changing I to he/she etc by edw519 was overly flippant and added little value to the OP; who probably liked constructive feedback - nice job on clarifying

Writing is a craft like programming in that you must learn by doing, and you need to leave rough edges behind to polish. My writing ability was "leveled up" by merciless teachers who would torture us with seemingly impossible tasks.

One of my favorite teachers ever was a History professor who taught "The History of Warfare". Writing assignments were due every week and covered a fairly substantial scope. The catch: It had to be written by hand (this was 1998) and had to fit on one side of a sheet of college-ruled loose-leaf paper. The first draft of my first paper was 6 pages long, and took about 3 days to proofread/boil down to what it needed to say. (I still remember way too much about Gustavus Adolphus because of that.) By the end of the semester, I was able to whip out a single sheet in about 45 minutes. I learned alot about the history of warfare, but learned far more about clarity of thought and getting to the root of things.

And yet if you don't use "I" then some other expert will tell you that this indicates a lack of confidence.

People who are hiring don't respond well to a lack of confidence. They will assume you suck and show you the door.

This seems like an arbitrary comment. He was writing about the choices and mistakes he made. He could avoid "I" but then start blaming his problems on other people.

This isn't a story about successfully delivering a product, it's about the personal mental failures and quirks that prevent success. It's a great cautionary tale that describes his thought process for others to avoid those traps. Without the self-referencing statements, it wouldn't be as useful.

I appreciate what you're saying. That's great advice. Sometimes it's helpful to look at yourself from the outside.

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