Even if you aren't going to commit suicide right now or in the near future, try to get professional help as soon as possible. Suicidal urges is very alarming sign.

Remember, your problems are temporary, your pain is temporary. It shall pass.

For more practical advice, I will quote myself from another recent HN thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5575144

"There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents."

I advice you to get these books(if you don't have kindle devices - don't worry - they have cloud reader so you can read them in your browser), and read them. They are not a replacement for professional treatment in cases like yours, but they may help, and they are easily obtainable.