1. Is changing your perspective. You don't care about life anymore? What an absolutely fantastic opportunity to break every single societal norm and do the things you've always dreamed of doing but were too scared to. Go skydiving, get a classic car, whatever. Make the kind of fun/dumb decisions that people do when they're in high school. Wear your depression like a coat of armor to do whatever the fuck you want.
2. Exercise and sunlight. I'm serious man, I was (still am obese), but working out, eating right, and getting outside has effectively cured me. Especially the sunlight thing. Vitamin D deficiency can cause depression. Want some statistics to back it up? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_ra... Look at the countries near the bottom of the list. Sunshine. They're all in the Middle East or the Caribbean. Getting outdoors can do wonders.
Those are the 2 things that helped me, but there's many more ways to get better. Talk to someone, a therapist, a friend, whatever. The fact that you're reaching out right now tells me you probably have doubts about what you're thinking about doing. There really is so much to live for. The fact that a stranger took the time to type up their experience and share it with you should be proof of that. Besides, you obviously haven't always felt like this. You can get back to the way you were. There is hope, it's just hard to see right now.
P.S. don't drink. I made that mistake and drowned myself in whiskey for a couple of months. It will make it worse not better. Trust me.
Death is pretty final. Pain is only temporary. Plenty of people who want you around, who care enough to help you through it, many you don't even know yet.
Focus on things you enjoy in life. If you're feeling lonely, make an effort to spend time with the friends and family you do have, and let them know how much they mean to you. Also seek out ways of meeting new people that share an interest with you even if it's uncomfortable and you're pessimistic about the outcome (i.e. going to meetups), just make sure to go in with the attitude of "It may be unlikely but I hope I meet someone I get along with here." and not "This is a waste of time."
You're not a bad person, you're not worthless, and your life won't always be shit. If you make the mistake of suicide, then you'll never enjoy all the good things that will happen to you over the next 40, 60 or 80 years. And that's a lot of good shit.
However, when I started taking anti-depressant medications things did change. I am still trying to live a socially and physically healthy life, but I'm noticing changes that weren't happening before taking the medication. Physical differences like food tasting better, feeling warmth instead of nothing, increased sex drive and similar things.
Your local city might have programs set up where you can go and get free help. It is something worth looking into if you have the energy.
Right now, even though my situation is very similar to where I was before, choosing to live is a lot easier. I actually acknowledge all the good things a lot more then I used to and its much easier for me to be happy about the improvements I see rather then focused on my failures. The really cool thing is that without suicide hanging over my head I'm a lot more able to actually do things. When people ask me out to eat I say yes. I've went on trips too. Basically, there are a lot of fun and good things that you will be able to do once you've dealt with this.
Good luck and hopefully you find my anecdote helpful.
Our family recently lost a member to suicide, I am confident that there are people who love you and would be devastated to lose you. My wife is a therapist, if there is something I can do to help in leading you in the right direction please tell me, I will gladly do it.
Please don't go through with this. What can we do to help?
Realize that life doesn't have to be this way and that there are things that you can do to make it better. Realize that you're not able to make full use of your intelligence in the state you're in. You need help making choices and analyzing your situation. Professional help.
Talking to a psychologist and being treated by a psychiatrist turned my life around. Again, I'm bipolar, so my condition may be more permanent than yours. Remember, taking medication isn't a sign of weakness. Many people only need to take it to get out of their current rut and then cast it off as soon as they see the light of day. I was against taking medication for a long time. But then I realized that brain tissue can be diseased just as any other bodily tissue can be diseased.
Something else that helps is to interact with your loved ones more: friends, family, anyone who you love and who loves you too. Talk to them. Let them know what's going on in your life. If you don't have anyone like this in your life, I'm sorry. This may be contributing to your suicidal thoughts.
As others have said, a good diet, exercise, vitamins, and plenty of fresh air and sunshine go a long way.
These are things that will help long term and will probably keep you from returning to this state. But, first, you need radical intervention.
Make an appointment with a therapist. Today. Be completely open with them. Do as they say. Don't think you're smarter than they are. Remember, right now you're not capable of using your mind to its full capacity. You're sick. Let a professional help you. Right away.
As Agildehaus said: Death is final, lets talk first.
Remember, your problems are temporary, your pain is temporary. It shall pass.
For more practical advice, I will quote myself from another recent HN thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5575144
"There are great books by David Burns: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "When Panic Attacks". Both are available at amazon kindle: http://amzn.com/0380810336 and http://amzn.com/076792083X The "Feeling Good" book is focused primarily on depression issues and "When Panic Attacs" (as its name suggest) on various anxiety disorder. I suggest to read them both. They are really helpful, but not just because of their content(which is good), but because they present of number techniques from Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, which you can apply on yourself. But please note that reading the book and using these methodics is order of magnitude more effective than just reading the book and internalizing its contents."
I advice you to get these books(if you don't have kindle devices - don't worry - they have cloud reader so you can read them in your browser), and read them. They are not a replacement for professional treatment in cases like yours, but they may help, and they are easily obtainable.
Medication for depression isn't a sign of weakness - it can seriously give you your life back. Been where you are, made it through, happy to chat if it helps.
I have been in a similar situation, and it would have been a mistake for me if I had taken the step.
Cannot say more without knowing more about you and your situation really. In my case, that period ended up not breaking me, but rather making me. The new perspectives I developed allow me to think outside the box, forget past things more readily (which I find helpful for innovation), and gain significant confidence. I understood myself better coming out of that phase.
One thing that helped was a realization that many great men have been in similar phases (and in my case for a similar reason as mine). Bertrand Russell is an example I had come across then (Google to find out more on this).
Some other things that can help included taking genuine interest outside of programming/technology. Spend some time figuring out how great musicians create that music (what is their thought process like?), how movie makers write and make movies, how comedians come up with humor, ... even how leaders say things to get an otherwise difficult message across.
I've got a list of things worth getting out of bed for. Maybe it'll make you smile. You're not alone.
http://vrunt.info/feedbuzz/6-reasons-to-get-out-of-bed-in-th...
But there is one realization that has saved me. I call it the reset option. Reset all the things in your life that push you to contemplate suicide. None of them are worth it; so, reset them.
For myself, I imagined what my life would be like if I did die, to the world, but didn't actually die. If all my obligations, commitments, relationships ended, then what would I do?
What would you do the day after everyone thought you had killed yourself? You can choose to live your life that way now. You can live your life in any way that makes you happier. There is nothing wrong with playing around with the kind life you want to have. There is no wrong way to live your life.
You DON'T want to die. I mean, you might superficially want it.
But what you really feel is that the whole "game" is BS, that the goals they have set up for you (and you might have internalized) are not worthy, that the societal structure around you is based on lies and hypocrisy etc.
Instead of dying try something else:
1) Understand that this life, the one that failed you, is not all there is. Or all there can be. Fight to change it. Now you have a purpose.
2) Get another life. Another job, another town, another country even. Nothing like a different culture to bring a new perspective. It's not impossible: millions of expats do it every day. You can even start from scratch, money wise. What do you have to lose? You were about to kill yourself anyway.
Do something on purpose, that you normally wouldn't do. For example, go volunteer at a fire department. Take a different route home from work. Go hiking. Whatever you think would help.
Experts agree that one of the best things that can make someone happy is deliberate activity. Do something you normally wouldn't do, on purpose. Could help even more if that activity you choose can help you meet a friend.
The above will probably help you unless you are so depressed that you are effectively comatose and can't move. That's a real thing that happens to depressed people, but I think you could avoid that outcome if you're still mobile.
Love and care about others revive any human.
I sincerely wish you to get your life goals back soon, please consider going to Christian Church, it have been helping people for over 2000 years :-). Take a holiday, go and help in the local hospital, you and your help will be welcomed there!
Pay attention to your family, get married, bring up kids.
Life is a greatest gift of God, my friend. But it comes with obligations to love others and help them.
All the best to you!
Why do you want to die?
My initial impression was that he was a hacker wanting to beat a terminal disease.
If it is because of the pressure of your job (as a programmer), then know that you're not alone. I'm sure most people feel depressed on some points in their career/life.
Hmmm.. where have I seen this before?
Srsly, most depression cases can be cured with Diet and Exercise ONLY.
It's probably not going to hurt, especially if there's some social stuff built in.
That said, life has a lot going for it. There are always cool things to do, people to meet, laughs to be had, love to be given etc... Failing that, go browse lolcats for a while.
Also, this may help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zBoD_ojxFA, or possibly this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlgQxK-HBGk both of which help perk me up.
Also, consider doing something a little crazy. I'm sure your bucket list isn't blank. Pick something outrageous and do it. Then repeat. Death comes soon enough.