[1] http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.nutr.26...
According to this indirect citation [1], lactose intolerance varies by age and race, eg 85% of Chinese are lactose intolerant by age 10.
If a significant percentage of a genetic group develops lactose intolerance by age 10, then yes - it would most definitely affect growth.
[1] http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=485313
Relevant quote - emphasis mine: "Primary lactase deficiency is genetic, only affects adults and is caused by the absence of a lactase persistence allele.[9][10] It is the most common cause of lactose intolerance as a majority of the world's population lacks these alleles.[11]"
edit: Also, I can't believe you linked to some forum called "The Straight Dope" as your citation.
"Chinese and Japanese populations typically lose between 80 and 90 percent of their ability to digest lactose within three to four years of weaning." (Swagerty et al, 2002)
Ergo, lactose intolerance is a factor in children in some genetic groups. Your citation (sourced from the same wikipedia page) does not refute that.
[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Lactose_intoleranc...
Typically neoteny is achieved by mutations that alter developmental timing, and it's easy to imagine that such a mutation could also result in sustained lactase production past the "normal" age.
As for the question of why all lactose-tolerant people aren't visually identifiable, keep in mind that there may not be just one variant of the lactose-tolerance mutation, and perhaps not every variant has complete penetrance. For example, perhaps one gene variant confers a 50% probability of lactose tolerance, but always confers a particular attractive trait.
Genes and organsisms are complex beasts, so traits will often be clustered together. An interesting related experiment is one performed on foxes, where they were bred for 'tameness' and gained a whole raft of other dog-like traits: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/807641/posts
Then you need to prove that the lactate gene is in linkage disequilibrium with that gene (thus capable of being "coming along for the ride".
Given the impact of a genetic mutation that improves metabolism, which has its own evolutionary benefits (improved ability to access energy) there seems little reason to invoke this third trait.
Side note: a possible attractive quality of lactose tolerance is an increase in calcium intake which can have multiple positive effects on the overal health of the individual including some outward indicators, stronger teeth for example.