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Comment by CuriouslyC | Hacker News Reader

> There is no way for a 50 year old married guy to talk to a woman alone at the bar without coming off like a creep.

Not true. You have to engage in a way that signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers.

For example, if you're having a conversation with your bartender friend and you need a female perspective to settle a disagreement, and you ask for it without fully "engaging" with her, that'll work fine. Once she's been pulled in you will have to keep hooking her into the conversation with interesting tidbits, but eventually most women will just keep talking.

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I am not big into going to bars but I'd say post-50 I have no problem talking to women and not being a "creep". Somehow I am really avuncular and rarely perceived a sexual threat. When I was younger I had more of that problem and was intimidated by beautiful people, a month ago I shook hands with a former Miss America.

Attraction does sometimes come up with women who are 10 years younger than me but otherwise I think it is a non-issue.

I am not either for the most part by myself. It just so happens that I live in a vacation area where my wife and I are the only permanent residence of a condotel (https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/condotel.asp). I go down to hang out with the bartender. It’s mostly guys and couples getting away from their kids after spending all day at the parks (Orlando).

The bar is literally downstairs from where we live.

My wife and I also usually sit at the bar when we go somewhere and just talk to people whenever we go out.

> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers

he said "_without_ coming off like a creep"

Maybe if you do it very very wrong. I suppose you're imagining some swaggering jerk putting her down and acting self important, that's your mistake.

No, it's very much yours and the way you phrased it. Perhaps you didn't mean it this way, but you sound like some kind of "pickup artist" type giving advice on "negging" women.

Since I didn't mention how to do anything, seems like he was projecting his biases on my words. Pretty sad that "be someone worth talking to" and "don't project neediness" are somehow owned by the manosphere now. No wonder people are marrying chatbots.

> "be someone worth talking to" and "don't project neediness"

Doesn't come off like a creep.

> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers

Comes off like a creep.

One that cannot tell the difference probably comes off like a creep.

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