Not all SWE jobs have the same culture and there's work outside of silicon valley. That said, it sounds like you've decided that this isn't for you anymore so what is? What's something that makes you excited or you find yourself thinking about a lot. There's a lot of other opportunities out there, and you should feel proud of the experiences you had and mistakes you made. Don't worry about what others think and go find another chapter to start. (That said, you may need to accept a lower salary for a while.)