I agree with your parallelism counter-argument in principle. However even there it would probably make sense to not trust each other, to limit the blast radius of successful attacks.
In your next point the "careful" illustrates exactly my point. Using shared memory for IPC is like using C or C++ and saying "well I'll be careful then". It can work but it will be very dangerous and most likely there will be security issues. You are much better off not doing it.
Postgres is a beautiful argument in that respect. Yes you can write a database in C or C++ and have it use shared memory. It's just not recommended because you need professionals of the caliber of the Postgres people to pull it off. I understand many organizations think they have those. I don't think they actually do though.