Is it not friendly and normal to ask young wait staff what they are studying on the assumption that they are students earning their way though college? (And most young wait staff are? Except for California, where they are aspiring actors?)
If you're right about them being a student, it's pleasant small talk.
If you're wrong about them being a student, you may be highlighting the fact that they're in a dead end, low income career path.
The second case is sufficiently painful and likely, that it's probably a bad idea to lead with this question.
You're implying that you're willing to be a customer at a place that is so undesirable to work at, that the only reason the staff work this job is that they are lacking alternatives and want to get away from this job as soon as possible.
Finally, if they aren't studying anything then you are basically telling them that they are stuck in a dead end job. How friendly!
A punch to the face. There you go.
Asking a young folk if/what are they studying is not unfriendly at all. I am the kind of person that engages in conversations with people around me and I have a never had a negative experience from that, quite the opposite, plenty of times I ended up having a joyful conversation where we both learn things about each other's.
But perhaps they had a negative experience from your words?
If you're a paying customer, their ability to make housing and car payments may hinge on being polite to customers like you, no matter how rude.
With power dynamics like that, you can't necessarily know if you've offended them.
The fact that many people wouldn't even consider that possibility is telling.
Not at all. There's literally nothing wrong with asking people if they're studying something or not.
Once a week some customer asks you what you study. How would you feel about that when it happens for the 50th time?
This is not empathy-rocket science.
E.g. asking someone who looks different "which country they are from" that is neither sensitive (you are pushing the assumption they have to be from a different country because they look different) and probably boring (they have heard that a hundred times).
Talking to people is fine, just consider what assumption you're pushing onto others and why that might suck for them and you're good.
The question carries an assumption within itself, namely that your work (quality, kind of work) can't possibly sustain you.
Aimilarily if you ask staff that your assumption is that this can't possibly be a work that anybody would ever like to do voluntarily.
I think any "… on the assumption that …" is going to cause trouble on a sufficiently large sample size, so why make the assumption?
> And most young wait staff are? Except for California, where they are aspiring actors?
How do you know? But note also that the author is specifically referring to older waitstaff ("There is an assumption in this country that wait staff above a certain age are where they are because they lack the skills or gumption to “get a proper job”")—and also that this is about the UK, whereas it sounds like you might be thinking about the US.
Is it because you can’t imagine someone wanting to be a barista?
And it's usually not innocent small talk. For a lot of status-conscious people, the purpose of asking the question (and other similar ones) is to suss out exactly where that other person is on the social status totem pole, so you know how far "beneath you" you can treat them.
Ultimately it's up to you what you do with that information.