I can imagine you snubbing Hamilton by going all "can the least action principle explain a single phenomenon not already explained by the forces + newton's laws? Thought not. Crank".
I have no idea what worfram's model is about, and I agree that the language he uses to publicise it is kinda twatty. However your insane criterion for what constitutes a theory/formalism worth exploring is clearly guided by your bias against the man.