Hacker News Reader

Comment by JauntTrooper | Hacker News Reader

Being a father has been the most meaningful thing I've ever done.

It gives me a deep sense of satisfaction and joy to raise them, protect them, provide for them, guide them, and get to know them as they grow up.

Like you, I also work remotely. My career is fine. It pays the bills. I've been successful. But that's not where I find satisfaction now, and when I leave the workforce eventually it'll go on without me. The deeper, meaningful part of my life is what I've built outside of work - with my wife and kids, my family, my friends, and my piano and bass guitar.

View on HN

I'm thinking of fatherhood & terrified at how much children would outsource my motivation. Taking my own purpose & goals & meaning, and throwing them in the garbage to commit myself to doing whatever the kid needs, endlessly.

It's horrifying & I hate hate hate how here in the US at least parents get no support, how impossible and expensive childcare is to manage. Being a parent feels like a huge overwhelming full time commitment.

And it terrifies me how many good interesting do-er adults the world loses to parenthood. Adults that would find interesting satisfaction & growth, that would bring meaning to the world, are wrapped up in miserable jobs they can't quit and running their child around.

Yes, it has huge personal meaning. And it's important in a macro sense for the species. But I feel like so much of the interestingness & possibility of the world is also lost to parenthood, that being a parent very quickly strangles out other transcendental journeys & questings that tend to be the best most inspiring parts of humanity.

My wife and I haven't found that to be the case. We've been mindful to continue to keep our own interests, hobbies, and friends. My wife started a business when she was pregnant with our third child. I started taking bass lessons weekly last year. I play D&D twice a week.

It's important for children to see their parents have a healthy relationship with life that is independent of them. It shows them a model and gives them space to grow as their own person.

Childcare is definitely expensive. I'll have to work a few extra years because of it. That gets a lot easier after the first five years though, once they're old enough for public school.

And honestly, the transcendental journeys and questing you mention... I don't think that's really where satisfaction is found. I find the most inspiring parts of humanity come from the relationships we form and the people we help and love.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com