Okay so you wanna hear something absolutely horrifying?

My new CPAP machine has a 4G modem and it shares all my sleep data with the company. There’s some people at the local office who can tell precisely when I’m asleep and how asleep I am.

Could you possibly want any better data for when to rob someone?

I’ve put the thing in airplane mode and they called saying they can’t get the data needed for the first month, required for insurance purposes. Nope. My last machine had an SD card. How about you do that instead?