Hacker News Reader

Comment by samastur | Hacker News Reader

And then what?

I'm genuinely curious as a loved one rejects therapy exactly because she already knows what causes of her depression are and does not see any use in debating them further as they only bring her down.

I don't have experience or knowledge to explain how it would help her.

View on HN

And then you can see unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and work on yourself.

Here's an example of techniques for CBT: https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-ther...

A good therapist doesn't just talk about root causes, imo. A good therapist talks about healthy coping mechanisms, and ways to get out of negative thought cycles

That has the problem that it's boring. Where do people who are overly well adjusted go to get traumatized again? (Like a secular Tantrayana.)

"because she already knows what causes of her depression are and does not see any use in debating them further as they only bring her down."

Hard to advice without further knowing details, but I could relate in a way, that the global state of the world causes me depression, but I cannot change the root cause. But I can change my attitude towards things. Deal with the problems I can solve and accept the rest. Spot patterns, where I indulge myself into misery and choose a different track (if possible).

And if we are talking about a childhood trauma, this person wants to avoid, then you can compare it to a splinter that is still in the flesh, causing misery and infection - removing the splinter will hurt and it will bleed - but after the splinter is gone, the wound can heal for good.

From my experience the biggest source of depression was people around me. Especially those I felt obligated to, but they didn't seem obligated to me in return. Maybe looking here might help. Indeed, it is not uncommon to criticise the world as a substitute for those in our environment whom we cannot criticise.

Leaving those people was difficult but the depression lifted and I was free to focus on my own life, which has been getting better.

Also getting a good night's sleep is very helpful. There are certainly also intensifying factors in the modern western lifestyle.

Please remember that having a loved one that deals with depression is itself a big challenge and good reason for therapy too. The fact that she might need it "more" is not a reason to avoid seeking help yourself (if you feel that you need it).

Maybe she knows herself, hopefully she isn’t getting pressured to do something she doesn’t want to do. Ask her what, instead of talk therapy, she thinks would be helpful. The answer might be enlightening.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com