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Comment by HeckFeck | Hacker News Reader

Curious. It sounds like meditation has been misappropriated in the same way as therapy.

Therapy _should_ bring up difficult emotions and experiences from the past because they are often the root of dysfunction and frustration in the present.

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There is a reason that it is normally recommended that serious/deep meditation practice be done with a teacher. It's isn't so people can scam newbies out of money. When you really practice meditation consistently over a long period of time, you experience a lot of different states of mind. Some of these can make you feel "god like" as if you were enlightened. Teachers bring you down to Earth and remind you that it's just your mind being present while not meditating that makes you feel that way. You can experience strange visions like flashing lights and things. Some people interpret these as a mystical experience or something but it's probably just some random crap your brain is doing in a deep, meditative state. The most common effect, though, is a stripping down of all the lies we tell ourselves. This can be very, very traumatic. The realization that you are mostly making things up as you go and that you might not even have free will can be very heavy and hard to take. You might question who you are and how you have lived until this point.

The real issue, though, is the "I'm enlightened" crowd. They are insufferable and need to brought back down to reality before they go to a dinner party and annoy everyone.

Opening past mental wounds is often like massive invasive surgery, requiring immense skill, plenty of observation afterwards, and a lengthy recovery.

Unfortunately many councillors and psychologists are barbers, butchering people’s minds, or infecting them with hokum.

The worst I have ever heard of was getting a bunch of troubled teenagers together, a session getting them to share their horrific experiences, then sending them home with zero concern for the consequences. I mean, you are already struggling and then you need to process other people’s stories of rape, family violence, and worse. Or you need to face whatever Pandora’s box demons you have shared. Ouch.

There's additional layer of complexity: both "meditation" and "therapy" exist in various different forms. The above description might fit some methods better and some less.

E.g. some meditation techniques do focus on relaxation; some therapy types focus less on emotions and experiences from the past and look at the present instead; etc.

And then what?

I'm genuinely curious as a loved one rejects therapy exactly because she already knows what causes of her depression are and does not see any use in debating them further as they only bring her down.

I don't have experience or knowledge to explain how it would help her.

A good therapist doesn't just talk about root causes, imo. A good therapist talks about healthy coping mechanisms, and ways to get out of negative thought cycles

That has the problem that it's boring. Where do people who are overly well adjusted go to get traumatized again? (Like a secular Tantrayana.)

"because she already knows what causes of her depression are and does not see any use in debating them further as they only bring her down."

Hard to advice without further knowing details, but I could relate in a way, that the global state of the world causes me depression, but I cannot change the root cause. But I can change my attitude towards things. Deal with the problems I can solve and accept the rest. Spot patterns, where I indulge myself into misery and choose a different track (if possible).

And if we are talking about a childhood trauma, this person wants to avoid, then you can compare it to a splinter that is still in the flesh, causing misery and infection - removing the splinter will hurt and it will bleed - but after the splinter is gone, the wound can heal for good.

From my experience the biggest source of depression was people around me. Especially those I felt obligated to, but they didn't seem obligated to me in return. Maybe looking here might help. Indeed, it is not uncommon to criticise the world as a substitute for those in our environment whom we cannot criticise.

Leaving those people was difficult but the depression lifted and I was free to focus on my own life, which has been getting better.

Also getting a good night's sleep is very helpful. There are certainly also intensifying factors in the modern western lifestyle.

Please remember that having a loved one that deals with depression is itself a big challenge and good reason for therapy too. The fact that she might need it "more" is not a reason to avoid seeking help yourself (if you feel that you need it).

And then you can see unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and work on yourself.

Here's an example of techniques for CBT: https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-ther...

Maybe she knows herself, hopefully she isn’t getting pressured to do something she doesn’t want to do. Ask her what, instead of talk therapy, she thinks would be helpful. The answer might be enlightening.

There's been works like 'McMindfulness' written about this, along with framings warning of practices of 'escapism meditation'

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