The difficulty of growing a shallow connection into a deeper connection is a large part of why so many people are lonely. We can't just ignore shallow connections because it's unrealistic to only ever aim for deep connections. Connections are experiments that grow.
There's that whole thing about long journeys starting with a single step. Got to start with meeting people somehow.
In school you made friends by first going to the same school so you were around each other long enough to become friends.
It’s the same with anything else. You have to consistently be around people long enough to get to know them well enough to make deeper connections. Inviting them to grab lunch sometime. Go to a movie. Play poker, bowling, golf, etc.
Certain exercise groups are exactly like that. Cross fit groups, F3 groups, etc. They are very social.
Groups that have a schedule and regular attendees are the easiest place to start. At first, you’re going to be the new guy but the longer you attend the more comfortable you’ll be. You have to stick to it.
Probably one of the biggest reasons we see more of it is how much people move around for work, away from their established family and friends. Deliberately solving this is hard since you will always feel like an outsider in a new place.
I moved to Bali over 1 year ago, knowing only a single person in the entire island. Now I have dozens of good friends there. And a handful of them I consider really good friends with whom I have a good connection with and shared very intimate and vulnerable moments. These relationships keep growing overtime the more time we spend together.
Some friends I've met at the gym, others were my neighbors, others at BBQs, others at an acting class... The list goes on.
Maybe out of topic, but socializing is a skill. And it's sad some people associate socializing with = people pleaser. Learning to socialize is learning to engage with others and put yourself out there. Whether you do it staying true to yourself or not, that's another thing.
But going back to the main thing: Deep connections don't happen out of thin air, and not without effort.
In fact, this recent NYT article was about an exercise group that fosters deep connections: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/24/us/f3-workout-men-texas.h...
(I imagine some might balk and say that's not the type of group that interests them, but it does seem clear that at least for some, an exercise group does help form these connections.)
Starting with a shallow place where you can observe how others interact and relearn basic conversation and interpersonal skills help incredibly a lot.