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Comment by d2049 | Hacker News Reader

d2049

Slightly off-topic question out of curiosity and without malice - is it normal for teenagers to talk to their parents about emotional issues and cry in front of them? It's been suggested to me this is a typical thing and it sounds great, but I never did this after getting to middle school age.

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I think the other comment made good points about grief being a powerful feeling that may overcome norms. From my personal experience, it also depends on the relationship between the parents and the kids. I'm much closer to my kids emotionally than my parents were with me and my kids tell me things I never would have told my parents. I think I turned out ok, but I hope they turn out even better having an adult mind to help guide them through their emotions, challenges, mistakes, victories, etc.

If someone is experiencing strong emotions over something, catharsis can be very positive. In a caring parent-child relationship, the venting can be therapeutic, and the parent's response may model ways to get past life's nasty surprises.

WP on 'Cartharsis: "In psychology, the term is associated with Freudian psychoanalysis and specifically relates to the expression of buried trauma, bringing it into consciousness and thereby releasing it permanently."

Grief. Does that to you. There is a sense of loss and grief in the OP’s teenage son and hence he cried. Sounds pretty human and normal no matter the age.

> is it normal for teenagers to talk to their parents about emotional issues and cry in front of them?

it's hard to come to terms with death, especially when you are in that vulnerable time of your life. Maybe it's not a trivial 'emotional issue' (not sure if there are any trivial emotional issues...)

Yeah, I did it a handful of times through high school when I was having trouble working things out. Not since then, though I'm sure the time will come again, at least once before I (they) die.

Probably depends. Even in my own family, the amount of emotional openness between the kids varies.

I think it's abnormal and the kids are likely underdeveloped due to lock down isolation. Waking your parents up crying when you're a teenager because a youtuber died? Get that kid on a sports team, fast.

I'm not sure if there is an undertone of a joke here. It doesn't seem that way to me, but if that is the case then that in my head would be the most forgiving scenario. Even then your comment feels accusatory, judgemental, and the sort of thing a bully might say.

Please try and realize that people are different. Not conforming to the "ideal" construct of a child in western society might not be the worst thing. Diversity in thought and opinion does not _only_ come from race and gender, it also comes from nurturing thoughts and perspectives in our own kids that might not align with the norms. This doesn't mean saying everything is great, but being an adult, and discussing various facets with them rather than shut things off.

It's not "underdeveloped" to have emotions, or to be sad when someone you relate to dies. I used to think it was dumb that people cried when John Lennon Died; then when Elliott Smith died I "got it."

I think it's healthy for your empathy circle to extend beyond your immediate family.

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