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Comment by bentoncreation | Hacker News Reader

My teenage son knocked on our bedroom door last night after we'd all gone to bed. He was crying and told us his cousin had just texted him the news, and then he watched the video. We watched it again together. I cried and hugged him and we talked about it a little bit.

My kids were so isolated during covid lockdown, we were getting really worried for their mental state. They weren't seeing other kids their age, they felt like they had no friends, and there was one point when it seemed like they even stopped missing other people altogether.

But my son, especially, was deep into Minecraft Youtube at the time, and I could tell that this cast of creators was really important to him. It often felt like he was on a call with his fun and hilarious buddies, just on mute.

I think Technoblade, and other creators like him, helped get my son through the past couple years. I'm so grateful to him for that.

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Parasocial relationships can have an extremely strong effect on people. My son was similarly effected by the suicide of a youtuber a few years ago. My son was 18 at the time, just out of HS and struggling. This person is someone he had followed for years and was public about his struggles and was doing better, then this happened.

The unintended side effects of the world we have built are many, and some are impacting our children in ways we couldn't have forseen.

Etika? Still miss him myself.

The video is still well-engraved in my head. Sad day.

I had regularly listened to a podcast for years when the host (Ryan Davis of Giant Bomb) tragically passed suddenly. It was bizarre, like I had lost a friend I had never met.

I'm 42 and there are more than a few people in the Guitar Hero community for whom I would be extremely sad to learn of their passing, including several of the more prominent creators and community pillars.

Slightly off-topic question out of curiosity and without malice - is it normal for teenagers to talk to their parents about emotional issues and cry in front of them? It's been suggested to me this is a typical thing and it sounds great, but I never did this after getting to middle school age.

Grief. Does that to you. There is a sense of loss and grief in the OP’s teenage son and hence he cried. Sounds pretty human and normal no matter the age.

Probably depends. Even in my own family, the amount of emotional openness between the kids varies.

I think the other comment made good points about grief being a powerful feeling that may overcome norms. From my personal experience, it also depends on the relationship between the parents and the kids. I'm much closer to my kids emotionally than my parents were with me and my kids tell me things I never would have told my parents. I think I turned out ok, but I hope they turn out even better having an adult mind to help guide them through their emotions, challenges, mistakes, victories, etc.

Yeah, I did it a handful of times through high school when I was having trouble working things out. Not since then, though I'm sure the time will come again, at least once before I (they) die.

I think it's abnormal and the kids are likely underdeveloped due to lock down isolation. Waking your parents up crying when you're a teenager because a youtuber died? Get that kid on a sports team, fast.

I'm not sure if there is an undertone of a joke here. It doesn't seem that way to me, but if that is the case then that in my head would be the most forgiving scenario. Even then your comment feels accusatory, judgemental, and the sort of thing a bully might say.

Please try and realize that people are different. Not conforming to the "ideal" construct of a child in western society might not be the worst thing. Diversity in thought and opinion does not _only_ come from race and gender, it also comes from nurturing thoughts and perspectives in our own kids that might not align with the norms. This doesn't mean saying everything is great, but being an adult, and discussing various facets with them rather than shut things off.

It's not "underdeveloped" to have emotions, or to be sad when someone you relate to dies. I used to think it was dumb that people cried when John Lennon Died; then when Elliott Smith died I "got it."

I think it's healthy for your empathy circle to extend beyond your immediate family.

If someone is experiencing strong emotions over something, catharsis can be very positive. In a caring parent-child relationship, the venting can be therapeutic, and the parent's response may model ways to get past life's nasty surprises.

WP on 'Cartharsis: "In psychology, the term is associated with Freudian psychoanalysis and specifically relates to the expression of buried trauma, bringing it into consciousness and thereby releasing it permanently."

> is it normal for teenagers to talk to their parents about emotional issues and cry in front of them?

it's hard to come to terms with death, especially when you are in that vulnerable time of your life. Maybe it's not a trivial 'emotional issue' (not sure if there are any trivial emotional issues...)

Love your son, the world happens and loses a lot of things every day, we have to look forward from now.

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