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Comment by tenonyx | Hacker News Reader

> I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow

Thanks, what a great list! Would you mind sharing some more tips? :)

How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity? In the past I had lots of good conversations with people met through hobbies, only to go back home and never speak to them again. How do you stay in touch with people you don't know very well, without being weird / imposing?

> I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer!

Sounds like a solid plan, good luck!

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You start with the hobby activity, stick with it, and add other things! The hobby is the first glue, but then add dinner, movies, games, conversations. Conversational skill is also a developed one, not innate. IMO, talking about things and ideas is best. Conversation works best when both people Learn and teach, but nobody is trying to be right.

I do a bunch of Meetups and watched this happen a bunch (EDIT: the going to a hobby event and never speaking again that is). About a year and a half after meeting a fellow regular of a hiking Meetup I finally felt not awkward inviting the lady and her husband to a board game night with my wife. Maybe the key step is to get with the regulars (or volunteer to be the coordinator?). I think the couple I've befriended have the same problem I have, which is why their schedule is so open for my silly ideas for socializing!

In my case the gateway to friendship was more hikes, and vaguely stale board game nights. We're trying to do something (making friends) that's difficult, that much is clear!

> How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity?

This is where having multiple hobbies not only adds depth to conversations & makes you more interesting, it allows you to cross-pollinate your friend groups from each hobby. If you join a cross fit gym and a running group (as others have mentioned in the thread), then you invite someone from the gym to the group or vice versa.

The invitation can either be a "I think you'd really enjoy this activity", in which case you're introducing them to something new and cool, or it can be "I think you'd really like the people I do X with" in which case you're helping them meet friends.

People who take you up on the offer to either try something new or meet new people with you as their guide are sure to become friends. You get to see each other in new elements and your relationship can now trascend simply doing one activity together.

I think this approach feels a lot more natural than jumping straight to "hey, I've seen you at the rock gym a bunch, let's get coffee?" which can feel like a big jump and somewhat forced.

> How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity

Ask them for their phone number and text them to invite them to things, even if just to lunch

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