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Comment by kortilla | Hacker News Reader

It’s not really being bi that’s the problem here so much as cheating on a wife secretly

It's only cheating if you're breaking a rule to not sleep with other people. Swingers aren't cheating (assuming they're respecting any agreed upon boundary) when they're having an orgy for example.

A bi man with a wife and a family could very well be having sexual encounters with men once in a while with the agreement of his wife (who could well have her own stuff going on too) and it could be a very healthy thing in what is a fulfilling relationship for both parties.

You might be right morally, but in a lot of countries it is still the case that 'not having sex with other people' is a compulsory clause of the marriage contract. So legally it's a little bit murkier.

People have been advocating for marriage contracts that are a bit like the CC license, where you can pick the parts that you agree on.

Marriage is on its way out in many places. In my region of Canada (Quebec), less than 50% of couples with kids are married. That number keeps going down every year.

(There are some automatic protections in the event of a separation.)

Are bi guys that much more likely to do this than straight ones? I could believe 2x, but it doesn't seem like an order of magnitude kind of difference

It's more about them keeping it secret; secrets are some of the most valuable currency.

But then it has nothing to do with being bi... unless they're secretely bi, in which case it has nothing to do with cheating...

Factually speaking yes but practically speaking gay/straight people tend to be doubly touchy about their partner "playing for the other team" so to speak. Which... I mean, cheating is cheating is cheating lol

Doesn't everyone cheat on their wife secretly? Otherwise it's not even cheating.

A wife might be accepting of a husbands bisexual adventures and not consider it cheating. What about her parents, his parents, children, family, coworkers, congregation, community, etc.

I wasn't speaking directly to that, moreso that secrets have value. Some people would reveal their secrets rather than be controlled with them, others will define the value of their secrets by what they're willing to do maintain them.

It's easier for a straight person to pass off a straight dating/hookup site vs. a "straight" married person on a gay/bi site. The straight person can just say they used the site before they were married, etc. whereas there's no such excuse for the gay site.

It's not about cheating. It's about people other than your spouse learning you have sex with men.

This remains something quite a lot of people want to remain secret.

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