This sounds stressful. I'm sorry you are not in an environment where you can take your time and ask these important questions.

Keep going. Your questions are reasonable and relevant. Understanding the "why" of what you are doing is crucial. It may seem like a hopeless effort but it will get easier. The better you understand a problem the better you will be able to solve it. It may be slow in the beginning but your confidence will build over time and people will begin to appreciate your thoughtful questions.

You sound like a curious person. I'm reminded of the most curious person I've read, Richard Feynman. He relentlessly asked questions and sought true understanding at a fundamental level. If you haven't read his book "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!", you should. It's wonderfully entertaining and will perhaps encourage you to keep asking your questions.