Though the contest is some kind of fun, I do find the insinuation that Lytton was a terrible writer rather unkind. His works do posess a certain gravitas, and some esp "The Last Days of Pompeii" were much influential.
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents - except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
This sentence gained pop-culture resonance in the Peanuts comic strip, where Snoopy repeatedly would start writing his novels with "It was a dark and stormy night." and quickly derail from there.
“A throng of bearded men, in sad-colored garments, and gray, steeple-crowned hats, intermixed with women, some wearing hoods and others bareheaded, was assembled in front of a wooden edifice, the door of which was heavily timbered with oak, and studded with iron spikes.”
> It was a dark and stormy night.
or even
> It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents.
are actually excellent. I like the rest of it as well. It just shouldn't be a single sentence.
I'm not a professional writer but I personally like this rephrasing.
London. Thunder. Rain.
A direct translation:
Night, street, lamp, drugstore, A dull and meaningless light. Go on and live another quarter century - Nothing will change. There's no way out.
You'll die, then start from the beginning, It will repeat, just like before: Night, icy ripples on a canal, Drugstore, street, lamp.
More attempts here: https://ruverses.com/alexander-blok/night-street-lamp-drugst...