And it’s not just New York. In most big cities, I can reliably find an acquaintance after a few hours at a restaurant, bar or museum. But the Bay Area is so reticent. The closest comparison to it I can think of is the Middle East.
I am from middle east and came to Vancouver 5 months ago and I literally want to go back from this hell hole and although grad school does not pay that much, but because I work a lot I get paid alot by my supervisor too, so I am in good financial situation here. (And I’ve been in some middle east and European countries and have great friends from all of those countries. So it is not like I dont know how to talk to people.)
People are not approachable. Long story short, you can search about Seattle freeze. People literally come to bars and night clubs in groups, and leave with their groups. All of my international friends are under extreme extreme pressure from loneliness. Although they don’t have financial problems, but some of them leaving. I am considering to applying to east coast and unfinishing my degree here.
In Middle East you are definitely not alone. You definitely do not make as much as developed nation. But you are not definitely alone. People are generally way more nicer, easy going. Literally yasterday I saw someguy passed out in Skytrain and there was 40,50 people there. You know what they did? literally nothing. At the end I was the one calling 911. (Not that I am a great person or something, i just call, but it was unbelievable how in western society people live their life.)
I’ve only ever been a foreigner in the Middle East. I trust that, like the Bay Area, insiders have their circles. The commonality is the tendency towards privacy clique sociology.
From my understanding it is way way less cliquey than west coast, maybe you have visited the wrong places! (Haven’t been in east coast myself.)
It's an individualist culture.
All I can say is I hear ya, but you are preaching to the choir. You likely won't get a lot of acknowledgements here.
Sitting alone, at a nice bar, anywhere in the Bay Area - I could sit there all day, and no one would say a word to me.
Any other city? Even New York? Boston? Austin? Atlanta? Denver? Paris? Berlin? Seattle? No problem. Someone will chat, I'll meet a group, whatever.
Also, I'm extremely social. It's "not me."
Disclaimer: Just an unscientific observation.
However, the odds improve if you avoid "nice" bars - destination bars are a thing, people show up with their group for a few drinks never intending to visit again. They never socialize so locals go elsewhere.
Which is a way of suggesting that it does both ways. I don't know how people develop the skills necessary to approach someone they don't know.
They are all too afraid of “offending” you or committing a “microaggression”. A room full of people all desperate to connect but no one will make the first move in case it ends up on Twitter.
I'm afflicted with a resting bitch face, but if I'm at Zeitgeist in SF, strangers will usually strike up conversation with my party.
Whenever I was sitting in a bar or cafe, or on a bus, there was always a better than 50% chance someone would strike up a conversation with me - and then follow up with a genuine invitation to meet up again.
I found it tough to find spots like that anywhere in NYC.
Ever noticed why true homelessness is so low in middle eastern countries? The "homeless" there often are people with homes who just don't go there at night.