Also, type hinting isn't all it's cracked up to be in PHP. In my opinion, type hints don't fit well in a dynamic language like PHP. The main problem I have is that you can't pass a decorator object to type hinted methods. Also, it makes it harder to pass mock objects for test cases.
Static method calls are possible, you can just add and call methods on the class object.
Autoloading probably isn't too hard to figure out.
You make a good point about serialisation. Closures can't be serialised. To be fair though, you can't do it in Javascript either.