Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to explain things in detail. They usually like that.
> Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a living. And when that painful lull arrives, be the master of it. I have come to revel in that agonizing first pause, because I know that I can push a conversation through. Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.”
> Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson. She kept touching me as she talked. I forgave her for that. I didn’t reveal a single detail about myself, including my name. Eventually someone pulled me back into the party. The celebrity jewelry coordinator smiled and grabbed my hand and said, “I like you!” She seemed so relieved to have unburdened herself. I counted it as a great accomplishment. Maybe a hundred times since I’ve said, “wow, that sounds hard” to a stranger, always to great effect. I stay home with my kids and have no life left to me, so take this party trick, my gift to you.
So I certainly wouldn't use this technique on say a neurosurgeon I meet at some random party.
This is also a cultural thing:
When I prepared for my first trip to Brasil I was told that I shouldn't ask people what they do for a living and that it was considered rude. I still don't know if this is really true but one thing I remember sure enough: Wherever I was in Brasil, I got asked about my family a lot.
Sometimes it gets awkward though and that is when the other person is really, really excited about what they do. If I just show my honest interest I feel disappointment on the other side that I do not share the same enthusiasm. On the other hand I can't be frantic about something I didn't even know existed a few minutes ago. Positively interested yes, but really, truly emotional no. Faking excitement doesn't make me feel comfortable either.
Do you have any experience with that situation?
You don't have to be super excited about everything anyway, just being interested in what the other person has to say already makes you a better listener than most people.
If it’s something I’m also interested in then we go to town, otherwise I tend to listen to the other person for a short while, perhaps ask them one or two more questions on the topic, then bring the conversation back to something else. It could be about that event or place we’re in, or some kind of tangent based on what has been said earlier in the conversation.
It's an easy way to get someone to open up to you and you're bound to learn a few things if you're willing to display your lack of knowledge in their domain.
If you approach the conversation with candor, it rarely seems trite