throwa20190912

Is posting through Tor not allowed? Only I am able to see my comment.

No, I am not. I love the field I chose(CS) and the kind of work around it. But after working for a while it doesn't seem fulfilling on a personal level. I don't feel motivated to work on tasks if all I have to do is build some SAAS products where all I am doing is trying to earn more money and not really contributing to something great. When I say something great think of something like the 'Apollo Missions ' by NASA. They were truly groundbreaking in what they did and took the whole human race forward, while the stuff I am doing is nowhere close. I don't feel motivated to do it and it doesn't give me satisfaction.

In life, I can't seem to get attached to a person in a romantic relationship for a long time. I hate moving from one person to another but I can't find the one that will be perfect for me and me for her.

After all this, I started falling in a depression spiral and started having suicidal ideation. I really want to off myself, the only thing that is stopping me is my parents and friends. I can't inflict that pain on them but I don't want to even continue this existence.