spidercat

All valid responses/pushback to the anxiety! It's still a lot of unknowns and what-ifs; I was more trying to make the point that for some people, it's overwhelming, and some may conclude it's not worth the risk in finding out. Which brings me to another important point, which is that parenthood isn't for everybody. Some people really shouldn't be parents, and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that. (Not saying I'm necessarily one of those people; just speaking more generally.)

Unfortunately - and this is kinda related to your comment about it being rare for the kind of person who worries about being a good parent to be a really bad parent - we often see opposite patterns play out... people that would probably make good parents seem less likely to reproduce, and vice versa. I know "Idiocracy" is a bit of a meme these days and is arguably classist, but I can't help but think about it. It's probably a far larger socioeconomic issue than can be feasibly hashed out in an internet forum, and I certainly can't solve it.

Ultimately, I think where I'm at these days, is that we need the village back, and I would love to be a part of it. How? Well, currently, it's that "Fun Auntie" role, as I've no kids of my own, nor do I plan to change that. I've long "wanted to want" bio-children, but so far, I don't. I'm mid-30s now, so there is still time, especially thanks to fertility technology continuing to improve. I'm probably not gonna change my mind, but I'm far too autistic to speak in absolutes, so I cant 100% rule anything out.

Regardless: the village is a beautiful thing. It's an honor to be a part of it in the ways that I am and have been throughout my life. More people should be a part of it. We should all (within reason) be a part of it. It should be celebrated and supported each and every day, to the point where parenthood isn't so much of a burden on the individual family unit, and is instead a shared responsibility of the local community. How do we best go about doing that? Obviously governmental and institutional support is critical, but we also need societal/cultural support, and that will be a lengthier project... we owe it to ourselves to try, though.

I appreciate the conversation and insights in this conversation; thanks for the well-thought out responses in these threads.

>I am afraid men have it easier as we get the parenthood without the pregnancy!

Ain't that the truth! I've long joked that I'd make a great Dad. :)

Not to mention the evidence coming out about advanced paternal age and adverse outcomes on offspring. The pressures are definitely lopsided. If anything, the pressures should be on society and institutions to provide more support for parents, people who want to become parents, and people who just want to be part of "the village". So... support for people, I suppose. A rising tide lifts all boats. Something like that. I dunno. There's a lot of factors at play here; I'm just spitballing.

>Does the birth rate discourse put pressure on you as an individual?

Implicitly, I think, yes. It builds on all of the other social pressures, big and small. I'm sure an entire humanities thesis could be written about how it all adds up over time.

I wrote another comment elsewhere in the thread talking about polarized opinions broadcasted on social media and how that also adds to the stress of it all. Nobody ever wants to talk about the "it was/is... fine, actually. kind of whatever. not great, but not horrible." possibility of pregnancy (and parenthood). It's always either the most wonderful, miraculous thing ever and you're insane for not wanting it, or it's the most horrible, irreversibly damaging thing ever and you're insane for wanting it.

And the thing is... it COULD be any of those outcomes! It could ruin your life. It could also make your life so much more fulfilling. There's simply no way to know for sure what it will be like for you without doing it. It is an enormous gamble, especially when you are the person who has to endure the pregnancy, and it is a gamble that you can't really walk away from. (Of course, you can give a child up for adoption, but there's a lot of social shame involved in that, especially if it is a wanted child that you're quite literally giving up on rearing.)

I wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that birth control offers us a choice in the matter. Pregnancy used to be something You Just Did, because, well, most people enjoy having sex, and pregnancy is the intended consequence of unprotected sex. It's scary, it's stressful, it's risky, and it's sometimes even fatal... but it's "part of life". It's how we ended up here, after all.

Now we have a choice. Which is GREAT, amazing, even. Absolutely necessary. I'll never argue that anyone's right to choose if they want to be a parent is a bad thing.

I wonder if social media is also contributing, with its polarizing nature. It's rare you see any opinions or even anecdotes about pregnancy being "fine" or "whatever". It's always a big deal, and it's always a big deal (horrible) or a big deal (wonderful). There's not a lot of in between. The negative end of the spectrum scares people, while the positive end of the spectrum is met with skepticism since it's too-often (for me at least) correlated with right-wing religious people trying to push women to be what're effectively baby factories, so the "it's the most wonderful experience ever!" just comes off as disingenuous and manipulative.

Combined with the fact that women's healthcare is rife with challenges, and women's pain is often dismissed (not looking to start any "gender wars" arguments; just stating things that can be backed up https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10937548/), the prospect of becoming pregnant is a scary one, when you have the option to not do that.

"What if it's nine months of constant nausea, being bedbound, gaining weight I'll never be able to lose? My body will change, in many ways irreversibly. Will my partner still find me attractive? Will they support me during? Will they support me after? Will I feel supported? Will I feel resentment that they'll be able to enjoy things like alcohol while I'll have to stay completely sober for a very long time? Will I feel resentment if the majority of childcare falls on me, which is statistically actually quite likely? What about my career? Will I regret it? What if my child is born with a disability? What if I'm bad at being a mom? What if I hate it? What if I'm trapped in a life I don't want? What if there's no way out?"

Of course, the above thought process could also be one with thoughts like "what if it's wonderful?" but it's a lot easier to worry about the negative, and put weight on the negative, than it is to fantasize and put weight on the positive what-ifs.

This is just my perspective, though. Some people love being pregnant and find parenthood really wonderful (or so they tell me about those things), and I love that for them. Truly. I'm just not sure if I have it in me to ever find out what it would be like for me, and I know I'm not alone. Fun Auntie is a better role for me I think. But maybe I would feel differently if pregnancy were easier and a less destructive process on the female body, and there was more social support for parents.

Pregnancy is also a really scary prospect for a lot of people (myself included), and there doesn't seem to be much work done in trying to make it, well, less shitty of an experience. "It's just how it is," but... is it really? Does it really need to be so bad?

Not to mention that "it takes a village", but in many places the village has been basically stolen from us.

Yeah, speaking as a female-bodied person here - undoubtedly a minority on this site - I absolutely feel the pressure to have children in society, pretty much every day.

Look at the "birth rate" discourse that's been going on. There's tremendous pressure on women to have more babies. There's also a lot of pendulum-swinging in the opposite direction with your edgy "antinatalists", in some sort of weird "overcorrection" or some such, but ultimately those voices are much louder online than in real life.

Fewer people are reproducing, but that doesn't mean the pressures to do so aren't still there. "It's complicated."

Absolutely. A lot of the 4chan types thought he was "based", less due to any of his actual talents, and more due to his outbursts and language choices (e.g. his "glow-in-the-dark" comments). It was a spectacle more than anything. He was just a lolcow to them.

He deserved so much better from society.

A tragic and fascinating man. The internet treated him as something of a spectacle, if not an outright meme. I'm not sure if it helped him in any way. I hope that at least some of the attention he got online brought him genuine happiness.

"anonymous" is the key word. old.reddit still works (though it seems to get progressively jankier), but it's now requiring a login.

Children of Time is one of the best books I've ever read, it's honestly amazing. It might be my all-time favorite. Seconding this recommendation!

Right. A bit concerning to say the least.

This pertains to Japanese ISPs. From the article:

KDDI Corporation, STNet, Inc., JCOM Co., Ltd., Chubu Telecommunications C., Inc., NIFTY Corporation, and BIGLOBE Inc.

KDDI seems to have been the root of the breach, as the other listed ISPs were relying on their email infrastructure/systems.

Seems like the actual scale is unknown, and many of the leaked passwords were, according to KDDI, hashed.

This feels expensive, but I remember SNES games costing $60 in the 90s. If anything, the cost of videogames has been pretty resistant to inflation, I'd say?

Huh. I mean, if you're gonna go that far to Make A Point with gender-neutral pronouns, might as well go the Stallman route with per/pers: https://stallman.org/articles/genderless-pronouns.html

(I'm not necessarily endorsing his screed here... but it is one of my "favorite" bits of Stallmanism. His first entry in the "subsequent notes" section makes me laugh every time.)

edit: oh, this user actually has a similar piece on xe/xem pronouns on his website! excellent. this pleases me greatly (no sarcasm).

Sounds like a great opportunity to get the original commenter in on the scam. "Psst. Say you indeed made a typo, and I'll split the spoils with ya!"

It wouldn't truly be The Internet without a little bit of Tough Guy Posturing, I suppose. :)

Could you kindly explain to me how being on my period would in any way shape or form affect my ability to ride a bike? I'm all ears.

Maybe not particularly relevant, but I'm noticing you using "xe" pronouns for Sanger. Why is that? Just wondering if I am missing more context.

>I personally have my doubts whether it has to do with blood pressure

If you're referring to scintillating scotoma/visual migraine aura, it's thought to be the result of what's called a cortical spreading depression: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortical_spreading_depression

It's really fascinating stuff (and pretty unnerving, speaking as someone who experiences migraines with aura).

On the blood pressure connection, propranolol (a beta blocker often used to treat high blood pressure and anxiety) is often prescribed as a prophylactic for migraines, but I'm unsure of the preventative mechanism(s) at play.

What does this do that Cygwin doesn't?

Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I almost always keep my powders capped - I just cap them myself at the doses I need. Keeping the powder loose probably does raise more flags. I'm just so used to capping them, I didn't even think about how sketchy loose powder in ziploc baggies could look.

I can only speak towards TSA in the US, but they explicitly state that they do not search for drugs; their priority is to screen for explosives, weapons, things of that nature. Anytime I travel with my beloved Mystery Powder supplements, I always just put them in my carry-on luggage. I've lost count of how many times I've done this, and it's never been an issue, stateside and abroad.

Of course, all of the supplements etc I've traveled with have been very much legal and mainstream enough (e.g. creatine, magnesium), in case security do get suspicious, but it has not once been an issue.

But the source of the spiciness is the same, at least: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allyl_isothiocyanate

I am well aware! That's why my comment says "spiciness from both capsaicin and radishes". :)

I didn't feel like looking up how to spell allyl isothiocyanate when writing my initial comment. Maybe I should have! I've edited it for clarity, since it's an important distinction which adds to why I'm so danged curious about the mechanism behind my friend's temporary inability to perceive pungency. I also see how my original wording may have implied I was conflating the two, so I've expanded on my friend's experience a bit. He experimented with pepper and radish based spice sources in his pantry.

Anecdotally, when my best friend first caught covid, his sense of smell was heightened, but his ability to perceive spiciness from both capsaicin (peppers) and allyl isothiocyanate (e.g. mustard, wasabi, radishes) completely disappeared. I just went back to check the messages he sent me to make sure I'm not spewing nonsense, and sure enough: "I didn't even have that nose feeling from wasabi." He couldn't perceive any spice at all. Not from peppers, not from hot sauce, not from wasabi. Nada. He tried everything he had in his kitchen.

Covid is a weird virus. I'd be really curious about the mechanism behind this. I'm sure it's nothing great, like some sort of nerve damage, but at least in my friend's case he and his senses made a full recovery as far as he can tell.

So far, the flight attendant has tested negative. This of course doesn't mean she hasn't contracted it - hantavirus has a long incubation period after all - but as of right now, whatever symptoms she is experiencing are not due to hantavirus.

https://www.reuters.com/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/...