On the subreddit now as I type this. Man you have hit the nail on the head though with the one line. I feel so guilty when I disagree and she doesn't see my point. Its like I want her to say okay I see your point but we never seem to get there unless it is her point of view. I want to stand up for what I believe in (for the record it is things like how to save money, stuff I can pull numbers for). I come from a family where we plan things long term. So we would sit and talk about a kitchen renovation for a year or two while we saved money and weighed different options before doing. Even then we would do as much as we could ourselves. She comes from a family where you just call up a designer and contractor and hand over the house. Trouble is we don't have the money to hire designer and contractor and we don't agree on how to save money so it comes across as if I am stingy person denying her, her dream kitchen. She isn't a horrible person I promise but we just cannot do things together and I don't know what to do.
I am in software development but my troubles are at home. This is why I am using a throwaway. I am bad with relationships. There two sides to every story but this is my side. I have a quiet agreeable demeanor. Its a cultural thing and a personality thing. Unless something is going to affect my life I tend to agree. I seem to attract the opposite types of partner. My partners tend to do all the talking which is fine with me. I am fine with most things except for the things I believe in then I am very stubborn. When I put my foot down it seems things just escalate. It seems to take my partners by surprise when I disagree or put my foot down and they don't take it too well. Now I am not sure anymore whether it is how I communicate that causes all my problems. I just want peace so I acquiesce even though I know deep down I don't agree. Well you guessed it, the peace doesn't last too long because I truly do not believe in whatever it is I have agreed to. The arguments and accusations escalate. I am heterosexual male. Typical items include me being told I am not caring enough yet to me I feel like spend hours listening to my partner and asking how they feel. I carry bags, fix plumbing, make the bed, sweep, occasionally cook. I am just not the flower sort of guy but somehow nothing ever seems good enough. I think I take criticisms to heart. I don't mind the off argument or criticism but what kills me is that this seems to happen every other day. I don't get enough time to recover my peace and self confidence before another bout of criticisms gets thrown my way. Its been 5 years. I love her very much, we have made some wonderful memories but honestly I cannot see myself living like this for the rest of my life.