Mmm, I think rental/mall cops are plenty dorky. They don't have guns, or for that matter any other tools to subdue perps, do they? That makes them pretty harmless in my eyes.
Have you seen the Segway tours? http://bit.ly/4J4yJ
Throw some dubs or spinnas on those bad boys, and they'd still look like dorks.
edit- But I do agree with your list. Horses > motorcycles, for sure.