217 karma · joined March 4, 2011
I can completely relate. If only there were a place to keep track of clients and their payment history. Glassdoor meets credit reporting. Clients with no history get charged more and require a higher deposit.
The iPad and iBookstore have changed my behavior slightly in that I can both read the reviews and buy the (e)book at the same time. I'm still buying mostly physical books because I love the weight and feel of books but I'm starting to gradually switch.
At 20 you're still trying to define yourself so social approval matter but these are the experiences in your life that cause you to retreat into your own mental cave to carve out and define who you've always been and exactly who you'll become.
You don't know what you need to know to be a successful freelancer. That's obvious by the fact that you went broke. Find other freelancers and ask them for their advice. Go back to school and get your high school degree. Learn about business and marketing. Take on a job, it doesn't have to pay great.
In short find yourself. Find what works. You're young and you haven't earned your freedom. Freedom comes with a price. Go pay the price for your freedom or sell your freedom for a price. The choice is yours, and it is a choice.
Regarding suicide. I've felt like that more times than I can count. Don't do it. It always turned out that suicidal thoughts were always huge indications that the idea of who I am needed to die. Meaning it was time for a massive change. Look for what you'd like to change about yourself and your life.
And...for christ's sake find some new friends! Preferably friends with a set of balls who aren't such sheep and are willing to take chances in life.
Some people should drop off. The road is long and it's best to find out who's willing to endure it up front. In my 20's I knew a lot of people who wanted to "do big things" and I learned the hard way that most people just want to look like they're doing big things. Less talk, more walk.