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I didn't come to the BPD conclusion until pretty recently. Previously I figured it was the stereotypical situation where the husband is insensitive and cannot communicate what he means. I mean, I am insensitive, I know that. So, it took me quite a while to realize her reactions are not normal. Seeing her reactions to other people, especially her family members was key.

I've had discussions previously, in the right moment. She has admitted that she sometimes takes my comments as criticism when they are not intended as such. We did discuss getting couples therapy, which she was willing to try.

For my wife, I believe childhood events triggered her as well. She grew up in China, not long after the cultural revolution. Her dad was barely home due to traveling for work. Her mother was controlling to an absurd degree.

I am concerned about my daughter inheriting the condition. She shows signs of being deathly afraid of being rejected by people. I guess I should study up more and talk to her about it.

Thank you, I think I should pursue the couples therapy. I'm a little scared of therapy as it seems like there is a lot of "cargo cult" type therapy and I want something that is based on actual science so it has a chance of helping. Seems very challenging to find the right therapist.

Divorce has been considered but I still think it is not the best option. I am a very patient and understanding person, at least, IMHO. Our children are happy and well adjusted. I think a divorce would be bad for all parties involved although maybe least bad for me.

To me, it seems the situation is manageable, especially now that I better understand what is going on. The suggestions I've received make me think I should try couples therapy.

[Throwaway account, for obvious reasons.]

I'm pretty sure my wife has BPD. To me, it seems hopeless for her to get treated. I haven't brought it up with her, I expect that would go poorly. One of the main symptoms is that she feels attacked by people even when they are making innocent comments on things. It is not just me who as noticed that. I have discretely brought it up with some others who know her and they have confirmed it. She has cut ties to her family as they are "toxic people".

Based on my readings, I understood that most psychiatrists think treatment is unlikely to work. If there is hope, that would be amazing. It is a difficult condition to live with, both for her and people who know her.