First, I really appreciate that you're opening up about your life. It's not easy to do, even with strangers on the web.
> It's either, take that pill and turn into a robot, or...
Might I suggest you think of it this way: Take that pill and realize my enlightened self or try to love myself in spite of my chemical imbalance in the brain.
> can't even summarize without writing a wall of text...
Although I'm not currently taking my advice here. Might I suggest that if you JOURNAL your personal thoughts, it's really helpful to realizing what you're trying to say to yourself. There is nothing wrong with a wall of text, even for summaries. I found that journaling was a great way for 'someone to listen to my random rapid thoughts'. (Note: This doesn't need to be everyday, nor some big burden. Just do it as often as you think about it and for as long as you desire in any given moment :D This will pay dividends for your awareness in just a few months of sporadic posts, even without the meds)
> But I wasn't hungry, it made me apathetic and my creativity went away.
Hmm. I'd suggest you try a different medication. There are multiple meds that help with this. (spelling probably wrong) Modfinil, Adderall, Vyvanse, Ritalin, Dexadrine, etc
I've tried them all and honestly, if I was able to, I'd want a few different meds, at different dosages because I know it would be a better combination for me than just one med. Ritalin is a non-starter for me, the side effects are too serious. Vyvanse and Modfinil were 'gentle' but not aggressive enough on my symptoms (no side effects but maxing out the dosage still felt too little of a positive effect on me). Dexadrine worked with another med I was taking (prozac) but I wouldn't 'get things' done as efficient. Then I changed my other med to Wellbutrin (a better depression med, imho, super cheap too) and Adderall worked perfectly in concert with it (this is now affordable for out of pocket care in the USA). [Note: This is my personal experience. This paragraph is over 2 years of trial and error. Some things worked for a few months but didn't actually work, after some introspection. Try things and be aware of what's happening to your body. My situation is unique to me, yours will be different but try to understand your situation better]
Finding the right meds, for your unique biochemical makeup, is a very large task. Most doctors aren't as detailed and provide a Bespoke service. Try to give yourself a Bespoke level of care. Do it with the counsel of a doctor, many doctors will be okay with this because you're under their care and they tend to only put in the level of effort that you request. So, talk with them and try to find something better for yourself. It make take years but realize, being on some meds, you're learning about yourself and you're making progress on what you want (not what capitalism demands).