adhdendofrope

In a few companies, I had one of those periods of obsession where I was obssesed about something that was in direct opposition to what boss or team wanted. In one I was obssesed with finding and fixing errors, so any wins from that were not celebrated because someone didn't want it. They would "celebrate" me not deliving such and such things. It wouldn't help if I thought something was being requested without a good reason (as explained to me, not that it didn't exist).

In the previous company, people started to ignore me. I'm never rude or impolite, honestly. I feel like I'm the problem always so I try to ask questions and understand where I can do better. So I was getting shunned and that killed my motivation.

In other companies I'd get bored of the work. I'd try to help people improve but I myself would get disengaged if I saw people in general didn't care (because each had their own reasons for not caring, which I understood but it had a negative effect on me).

I never told anyone I had ADHD for fear of everything being labeled ADHD-related and not being considered normal, or having my ideas immediately ignored, etc.

I'm exhausted and can't think straight but I think I've a talent for this field and even though I keep thinking of going to live in the woods/farm, I'd probably not be happy there and the cycle would restart.

EDIT: I did mention I had ADHD in a meeting once in the current company (for the first time ever in my life at a workplace.. someone was sharing they had some severe health problems and I felt we were in a safe space, obviously we weren't), but I don't think the information made up in the hierarchy. Nothing was changed because of that.