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I did. My family doctor was aware of my plan, and I can assure you he was quite unhappy about it.

Between him and the psychiatrist he got involved in my case I was on paxil, zoloft, lexapro, and prozac for about 4 years with no effect. And I did follow dosages correctly according to instructions. No change in my mindset, just the unpleasant side effects when we changed or discontinued my medications.

The family doctor eventually retired and the psychiatrist said that there was not much else that could be done. And that was the last time we met.

>I'm ignoring the first two paragraphs you posted - it's just pointless argumentation on your part that doesn't have anything to do with your illness.

No you're not ignoring it because it's irrelevant. You're trying to do so because you're afraid of what you'll find if you did seriously try to answer it. Because it brings shakes a foundational idea that human life is to be held sacred above all.

And that's fine, I'm not asking you to change your world view. What is irritating to me though is that you're inventing a carracature of me that doesn't exist.

Those connections that imagine exist, don't. The elderly relatives are the only ones that know I still yet live, and once they pass I too shall end.

But the kin you think cares about me, I can assure you, doesn't. We may share ancestors but that is all. They're all continents away, most don't know inexistance and none even know my name.

And the friends that I had were only due to proximity from school or work. How hard exactly do you think it was for me to cut them out of my life?

Because all I had to do was.... Nothing. I did nothing and they disappeared like the mist in the wind. We were never close. I never learned what their favorite food was, or when their birthday was, or the names of their spouse or children.

Perhaps they would be sad if they learned I passed. But who's going to tell them when they are in effect strangers to me now? I city I live in has hundreds of suicides a year and there's nary ever a whisper about it.

So again, what loved ones?

The problem is I don't think the initial reaction is incorrect. How does one tell the difference between someone in pain crying for help and someone that's genuinely ready to go? You can't really, not without long conversations.

What gets to be a tired argument is with people that seem to believe that the former is the only possible explanation, and refuse to believe that the latter is even a possibility. For them I think the problem is that challenges the belief that life is to be held upon a sacred alter above all, and that such a belief is held to be a universal truth.

It's hard to step away from such a belief because it opens an uncomfortable door in asking what makes being alive to be preferable, who gets to decide that, and what if anything should be done about it.

If what you say is true, then why did no species evolve immortality?

What about people that give their lives to save others? Are they mentally ill as well?

And again this is what I mean. I don't have anyone close to me anymore outside of the ones in my care. That was a conscious decision to minimize any potential collatoral harm when I do die.

My previous friends have drifted off over the last 15 years from me intentionally neglecting those relationships. I have never had intimate relationships with anyone, I haven't spoken to my sibling in 22 years, and most of my kin lives continents away and to whom I have never even seen in my life.

Who exactly are these loved ones you think exist?

I don't know if I can answer that well; it's like me asking you how you can be certain you love someone.

But my best attempt would be to say... There hasn't been any contraindications to make me think that think that suicide isn't the correct choice in the end. It feels right to me.

And thus my point is illustrated. Few seem to believe that wanting to die is a valid state of mind without some sort of physical or psychological malady.

And hence why as is often the point, being unique isn't a desired thing. Because most people don't want the frightening unfamiliarity.

Most people from what I've seen don't want unique as much as they want somewhat famailiar. If it deviates too far away from that then they are repulsed, and I can give you an example right here.

I'm going to commit suicide. I've known this for the last 15 years. It'll probably be another 10 years before I'll die, but I know my end is half laying down with a 1.5 inch nylon strap tied cinched on my neck and a tree trunk in the dead of night so that no one will be able to find me in time. The reason I haven't is because I'm taking of elderly relatives, but they are the only reason I'm still here.

That's the real me. The one that looks forward to dying even though there doesn't seem to be any reason why I want to die.

I wonder how many in this thread would be utterly horrified by this vs accepting of this.