SpouseThrowaway

Possibly, but my partner finds the work extremely enriching. I'd hate to upset that balance as well.

I've read that some hospitals have standard procedure to change out of the work clothing before leaving the facility. Certainly a smart move for high risk situations and areas/patients with contact procedures in place.

I would be mindful of your partner's current state and do your best to nurture a healthy environment while not letting it spiral out of control. It's easy to find a logical path to sanitize everything if your root reasoning make sense.

I'm doing my best to get feedback on how to approach a plan that is suited for the individual. I think with mental health, that's the only way to approach it.

I think the stigma of pills is where the biggest problem lies in addressing mental health. The last thing I want is to put somebody on pills, unless it's 10000% the right way to go.

As I understand it, the "easiest" and safest method is exposure therapy.

I think, in this case, it's the fear of the known that is the problem. "Dirty" is the concept used to describe all the reasons to clean stuff. But, real-world issues like MRSA are scary and the root of this slippery slope. Combined with the fact that my spouse works in a highly contagious environment doesn't help.

They 100% don't want to discuss it with me.

I suffer from a terrible temper that goes from 0 to 10 before I know it. I've balanced it by taking constructive feedback and being mindful of my triggers. That was a hard road to travel and I still slip up. For the longest time, I thought I knew best and nobody understood. Least of all, my significant other.

So, I completely empathize with their difficulty discussing it with me. The problem is, they won't discuss it with anybody else either. I'm not sure if it was a slip-up, moment of clarity or a mistake. But, my spouse once said that "I don't want to live like this". Which was a window for an actually constructive conversation. I casually mentioned talking to a professional, which was met with stubbornness. But, there's be no progress since then.

We've been together for nearly 20 years, so I've seen this progress to where it is today. The next step is for this person to open up to somebody else. I just have to tip-toe on how I might suggest that notion. "In sickness and in health" right?

Ironically enough, when I was confronted with my anger issues, I was basically given an ultimatum that I needed to find help. To which I was very receptive.

This entire conversation is fraught with society's terrible attitude towards mental health, mental wellness and mindfulness.

I defiantly learned over the years that my approach might have lead to more of these issues. Applying logic to each instance as resulted in the opposite effect and opened new doors in terms of what dirty versus clean is.

My spouse has a tendency to push back against things they might be told. For example, if somebody told them they were gaining weight, they would eat more.

Being somebody who struggles with a hot temper, I've learned that nobody really likes to be told that something is wrong with the way they are behaving. Especially if it's an issue that feels uncontrollable. The hostility purely manifests in pushback and stubbornness; which, of course, leads to heated arguments. I like to call it the "Because I said so" attitude.

In my opinion, the biggest justification is actually correct in it's baseline, which makes it so hard to break out of this cycle. Germs are everywhere and they can cause some real nasty issues. The disconnect comes in the thought pattern that they can eliminate the spread of germs. Of course you should clean things and be careful with raw chicken, diapers, feces, shoes in the house, etc.

I’m using a throwaway account and trying to keep personal details sparse to keep this as anonymous as possible. Also, despite my frustration with the situation, I’ll attempt to be as neutral as possible.

My significant other was always “germ conscious”; clean hands, no shoes in the house, etc. Nothing over the top or alarming. However, over the years, there have been huge shifts in behavior and routine in regards to keeping clean. This person has made the house the “clean zone”. All attempts are made to avoid contamination from the outside world.

The routines in the house start with the notion that you are dirty if you’ve been outside. “Outside” isn’t inherently dirty, so things like yard work and actual dirt are okay. Basically, if you’ve driven anywhere, you’re dirty. Anything that you or your clothing touches (while dirty) must be cleaned. If it’s the floor, it must be cleaned immediately to avoid tracking germs through the house.

The dirty rules apply to everything. Anything brought into the house from outside is dirty and must be cleaned before use.

Strictly speaking, the basement is dirty. Touching (nearly) anything means that your hands are now dirty. Shoes or slippers must be worn before going downstairs.

Shoes must be removed before coming in the house, but you can’t step where your shoes have been...otherwise your feet are dirty also. Sandal wearers must wear socks in the house.

We have guests over, but all walkways must be cleaned after they’ve left. Any surfaces they touched or sat on are cleaned as well.

Work days must end with a shower and change of clothing after coming home. It doesn’t have to happen immediately, but one can’t sit on furniture and should be careful not to contaminate anything.

The furniture, floors, cabinets, handles and counters see regular cleaning with either lysol wipes, alcohol wipes or lysol spray.

One larger issue stems from the fact that my spouse is a medical professional and is fearful of transmission of things like MRSA. While there is a real concern there, I’m of the opinion that the cleanliness routine is too extreme. This person does not typically do not work in a hospital, but when they do, they have a routine that must be followed.

- The car must be sanitized

- Shoes are removed outside and sanitized

- Clothing is removed in the basement and put into the wash immediately

- Person showers, which unfortunately means a naked stroll across the house from the basement all the way to the bathroom.

- Clothing is washed again

- The washer is now washed

After drying on the line, the clothing is washed again and the line is sanitized

All items on the person (jewelry, purse, bags, phone, pens, etc…) must be sanitized

This behaviour has slowly gotten worse since we started living together. The logic is consistent, but new behaviours are constantly being added. Where I’m really beginning to become concerned is that we recently had a child. I’m hopeful that this will encourage positive change, as some behaviors aren’t sustainable with a antsy child. But, I’m concerned that they will get worse and that the child will pick up on these behaviours.

Early signs of concern with the child: The showering rule applies to everybody. So, somebody has to hold the baby while the other showers. You can’t put the baby anywhere, because that would be dirty now as well. This has already become problematic now that the baby is almost three. Basically, somebody is stuck with a squirmy kid that you can’t put down for upwards of 20 minutes.

ANY attempt at discussing this has been met with extreme hostility, to the point where I’m afraid to mention or question the germaphobia.

I try to be very patient, but I believe that I've enabled too much of this behavior for fear of sacrificing a happy household.