AdviceAlt

That's awesome. Thanks for sharing.

I've sent you an email from temporaryalt2930290@gmail.com . It might end up in spam.

That sounds great. I couldn't find an email in your profile - could you email me?

temporaryalt2930290@gmail.com

I realise it's a bit weird using alts for everything. I keep things to myself IRL and don't want people using me opening up online against me.

Thank you.

Thank you for the advice. I don't think I'll go the freelance route, at least without significant improvement.

I've always been decent at writing, and when it's about something I am interested in I enjoy it. I love history, though I haven't had much chance to read about it since the concussion. I also find aerospace interesting - I used to play lots of flight sims - and before I did programming, my primary interest was in astrophysics. History and writing are the least affected by my concussion. I plan to read some history books over the gap year. But I'm not sure if I want to pursue history as more than a side interest.

As for delaying A levels medically, I probably could. The problem is, this whole year has had a silver lining that's kept me going throughout: My school year had an abnormal intake of lots of brilliant people that are amazing, supportive friends. In particular, there's someone who is like me if I hadn't had the concussion. While it stings to look at the difference in where we are, they have all been immensely supportive. It also makes me feel physically safer - when I'm surrounded by friends that I know care about me I can actually relax. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Every year my school's intake gets worse as it becomes larger and more mainstream. It doesn't have an ability to properly discriminate due to the laws against new grammar schools. I doubt I would find this level of support if I waited a year, and that support is what has kept me going. Plus, I improved significantly last summer break; I can hopefully have a similar improvement in the upcoming 6 weeks.

You mention the need to grieve for what I've lost. You're entirely correct. This wouldn't be anywhere near as bad if I didn't know what it was like to have things come easily and the certainty of a bright future. I need to get over it somehow. I operate in strategic long-term objectives (This year I will achieve x, y, z) and I began this year deciding that no matter what, I would achieve my prior objectives. That's obviously been a complete failure. Changing my objectives is a difficult thing to stomach. It used to be that I had high expectations of myself and I would consistently achieve them. If I had problems, I would simply reallocate some time from casual programming/gaming/etc to that objective and then achieve it. I have no more time to reallocate.

Thank you. Your comment has prompted me to stop avoiding some difficult questions and work them out.

It's good to hear that the degree apprenticeships work on interesting stuff - that's the reason I'm so interested in GCHQ, I'd love to work on some really interesting problems. I assumed that if and when I completely failed on the cognitive tests they'd just drop me - I think I might at least give it a shot thanks to your comment. Thank you.

There's CCTV footage of the attack on me as well. The problem isn't proving what happened, it's sentencing. The police (after 3 months of waiting...) told me not to bother, and I spoke to a magistrate who said they'd get a slap on the wrist. Additionally, the attack was retaliation for my friend going to the police a few days before. I decided that the risk of another attack, combined with the additional stress of going to court, to get a slap on the wrist wasn't worth it. I might look into civil court - it seems there's a 3 year expiry, which would allow me to wait until after A levels.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm not really sure what to say - reading this thread has really helped me, particularly your comment. I've seen time as my second-biggest problem throughout the last year, and it's good to hear from you and others that I can afford to slow down and still be alright.

I'll try some cardiovascular exercise. I find walks in nature (there's a nearby forest) significantly improve my mental health, but they're not intensive. I've already discussed going to the gym with my GP (to fix RSI) so I should be alright doing some.

I've never had alcohol and don't intend to. Never liked the smell of beer/cider/etc, and with the concussion I see no reason to try a brain-impairing chemical when my overarching difficulty is with my brain being impaired. There isn't any peer pressure from friends, since they understand why, so I've had no problems with it.

I'll ask my GP about a psychiatrist referral. I've had a referral to neurology, who booked an MRI and referred me further on to a specialist, but there's another 6 months of expected waiting for the specialist. They also prescribed two pills for trying to control the headaches, but they've both failed (side effects and lack of effect).

Thank you.

Thank you for the link. It's good to know that people can heal with proper treatment. Getting that treatment is difficult in the UK. As a nation we've entirely committed to a national health system. It's broken and everyone knows it, but it's presented a binary option between the NHS and the American system: there is no discussion of the European health systems that appear, at least from the outside, to be significantly better.

The education system infuriates me. I go to a technical school, it's meant to be for intelligent, motivated people to learn in peace and safety. But because of our ban on new grammar schools, bullies were let in - had to be let in - and their actions taken for granted. People insist standards are high, but they're only high if it's someone with a history of being civilised doing something wrong. It's just expected that there are violent people who will fuck things up for everyone around them, and nothing is really done about it.

Thank you. You sensed correctly - I'm definitely stressed. I've recently started to weight lift for different reasons (RSI) and while I haven't noticed cognitive improvement as suggested by another comment, it's definitely helped me de-stress.

I hadn't considered that. Thank you for mentioning it. I'd like to avoid adding even more stress, but I'll see if I can talk to a lawyer about it.

I've also got repetitive strain injury in my wrists and fingers, and I finally started going to the gym recently to try to help with that. I haven't found cognitive improvement, but it's pretty much fixed the RSI in a quite counter-intuitive way. I hadn't heard of the effects on the brain - hopefully it helps me with that as well.

I haven't been going long enough for any physical deterrent effect, but hopefully that will come in time. I'm not (rationally) concerned about my physical safety, as the vast majority of the bullies did not get the grades required to stay for A levels and I've got a good group of friends around me.

Thank you!

Thank you for the kind words. I'll try to change my language around it.

I plan to take as much time as I need between A levels (high school) and uni. I've got the summer break coming up, and I might take it a bit early, so I should get a short (6 weeks, 9 if I stop now) break to heal. A levels take 2 years, so I'm at the halfway point now.

Thank you. My ability to write doesn't seem to have been affected by the concussion (different part of the brain?) and it's nice to have at least one thing I'm still good at.

Thanks, that's good to hear.

In terms of medical help, the NHS is focusing on preventing the headaches. I've been prescribed topirimate, which gave me horrible side effects (stopped after 3 days), and small dosage amitriptyline, which I'm currently decreasing the dose of in order to get off of because it's not helping and it also gives me side effects. I've got an MRI scheduled in 3 months time. It's all moving quite slowly, and the focus on headaches and prescribing medicines over cognitive performance isn't particularly helpful. My GP (Family doctor) has been excellent but there's a limited amount he can do.

Neurofeedback has been suggested in this thread and I can get it privately here for about £2000, so I'm considering that. It's a lot of money but could have a very high ROI if it works. I'm also on a very long waitlist for hyperbaric oxygen therapy run by a charity. There's some limited evidence that it helps people heal.

I'm not brighter than most of my cohort, though my cohort is a pretty bright group of people. I'm just about keeping up through stubbornness and doing nothing but studying.

Compared to the average teenager my age - they'd probably get a better score on an IQ test, but I don't spend my time drinking and partying, and over the course of the year I've gotten my grades from Es to Bs, so I suppose I'm probably still a bit above average.

I will definitely be taking a gap year(s?) between A levels and uni.

Thank you.

Thank you, I hadn't heard of cognitive neurotherapy/neurofeedback. It's been suggested by some other people in this thread. I looked into it and I can get it privately for ~£2000, which is within viability.

That's the plan with the gap year. I'm not sure about taking a year out in the middle of my A levels. I'm hoping next year is better. As a result of doing further maths I did the two-year maths course in one year but didn't do the exam this year due to not getting the necessary grades. The plan with the course structure is to do further maths next year, but I've dropped it, so I should need to "just" improve my maths grade through practice instead of learning new content. I still have computer science and physics of course.

I've got three weeks left of this academic year, and since we've finished the content for the year I might take those three weeks out so I get 9 weeks of break before next year. Hopefully I can improve in that time.

Thank you, that's good to hear.